Smarked for Death
ECW April 21, 2009
Tonight’s edition of ECW began with Finlay leading Hornswoggle out so the little leprechaun could say goodbye to ECW. The draft, both live on Raw and the supplemental one on WWE.com, were last week but nothing has changed. Sure there may be legitimate excuses. A tour of Europe, a pay per view, taping the brand new Superstars show. Then why not wait a week or two to do the Draft? So far everyone has had their chance to say goodbye to their old shows. I’m waiting for a “leave the memories alone” video montage of Hornswoggle’s time in ECW. Showing off all of his work and dedication.
Natalya and Tyson Kidd come out, and Natalya talks because this Neidhart can cut a promo better than her smaller more talented partner. Hornswoggle bites Natalya on her pot of looneys and this is apparently how matches are now signed in ECW. “Tune in tonight for the WrestleMania contract ass biting!” Hornswoggle rolls up Natalya for a pin. Hard call here. Which loss would cause less trouble? A woman losing to a midget? Or a dwarf taking a beating?
Evan Bourne pinned Paul Burchill and that’s about it. I’m a fan of both men but there was no reason to care about this match.
Vladimir Kozlov starts a new push. No one cared about him last time, so best of luck here on ECW, Vlad.
Christian, Jack Swagger, and Tiffany are all in the ring for a contract signing (no ass biting here). WWE needs a lesson in diversity. I’m a long time peep for Christian, and a loud supporter for the All-American American. But I couldn’t wait for this meeting to finish. The two men are so alike. Goofy looking faces but highly maintained hair. Trying to prove themselves. New to ECW but with a long list of past accomplishments. Only good and evil separating them. If I wanted to watch dual identities of the same person beat it out of each other, I would watch Two-Face masturbate.
This completely ignore the other blonde, new to ECW, with past accomplishments, Tiffany. The day will come, probably soon, where Tiffany’s services are no longer needed in WWE. Like many blondes before her. Name one memorable storyline with either Torrie Wilson or Stacy Keibler. Zero to one. Sad stats when considering how long both women worked for WCW and WWE.
That’s all for today’s edition of Smarked for Death. Tune in for more reviews, and Backlash this Sunday!