Spine Breakers Review: My Boring Ass Life: The Uncomfortably Candid Diary of Kevin Smith by Kevin Smith.

Spine Breakers Review: My Boring Ass Life: The Uncomfortably Candid Diary of Kevin Smith by Kevin Smith

For no good reason, this book took me nearly two years to read.  From the time I bought it until I finished it this week was damn near two years.  But I loved the book.  So how can I recommend a book that couldn’t have held my attention that much if it took me so long to finish it?  The only way is to look at this as two separate books, the boring part and the exciting part.  I read the last two hundred or so pages (out of 470) within a couple days, because it got interesting.  Smith’s time in jury duty, the legendary “Me and My Shadow” blogs, and way too much interesting sex for a fat fuck (allegedly).  Kevin Smith has the dream life of all Fanboys.  He has a hot wife, beautiful child, jobs that fall into his lap with minimal effort, his own comic book store, and millions of dollars.  He can phone anyone from Ben Affleck to Stan Lee at any time of day.  And that shit is interesting!  But when his life is no different than mine, I can’t be bothered to read the book.  The first part of the book is as follows:

(Insert date and time)

Woke up, wife was asleep.  Took my laptop into the bathroom.  Took a big shit in first 5 minutes, spent next 55 minutes letting my colon retract and air out while checking e-mails and the forum.  Came out, waved goodbye to my kid, went out to eat with the wife, came home, played online poker while watching TV, then went to bed.

What the hell?  This isn’t worth spending my money on!  And speaking of money, how does he make any?  Unless there’s a pay site where people watch Silent Bob take a dump for an hour for $29.95 a month I see no income.  Also, hang out with your child!  The only mention of her is when you wave to her once a day!  While reading this, which is most of the front of the book, I hated Kevin Smith.  I’ve been a huge fan from day one but this made me feel like he was self absorbed, egotistical, gas bag who would throw his name on anything.

I put the book down, and it sat for a year and a half, at least.  I know when I started reading it was during a trip to Yankee stadium.  The old stadium.  They have now moved into a new home and won the World Series.  So I restart the book…

And its fucking good.  Jason Mewes’s journey through drug addiction, the filming of Clerks II, jury duty, Catch and Release, the stuff he writes about is amazing.  Just a little glimmer into the life of a celebrity, yet told by a “real person”.  He is passionate about everything, and none more so that the people in his life.  Finally he writes about his wife and daughter in ways that show how important they are to him, and not just part of his daily routine – no different than his daily shit.  The Kevin Smith in the later part of the book is the kind of guy that would give you the shirt off his back, then laugh when you ask him to put it back on.  Of course then he would write a blog about it, which would lead to some sort of t-shirt deal worth millions.  Meanwhile, I am still wearing his too big used shirt.

Stick with Mr. Smith no matter what he does.  Even myself, a Kevin Smith zombie, hated this book and was then snapped back into his adoring sweaty arms.  Get in line to read and love this book if you haven’t already.  Spot number 37 is reserved for you.

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