Smarked for Death WWE Monday Night Raw February 15, 2010
Some 15 year old girl sings Star Spangled Banner. Because its Presidents Day. Note to WWE, video tape of the Blue Angels flying overhead is not equivalent to the actual Blue Angels actually flying overhead.
Sheamus defeats Randy Orton… by disqualification. Not a bad match, Legacy comes out and the referee catches Cody Rhodes hitting Sheamus. Orton is pissed, Orton hits an RKO on Cody, Sheamus gives DiBiase a big boot, Orton RKOs Sheamus. All of this leads to Sheamus “winning” and keeping the world title even though he has yet to pin anyone of main event level caliber. Seriously. Name one. Evan Bourne and Jamie Noble don’t count.
Bret Hitman Hart gets his leg crushed by a random pretty blonde who just happens to be parked behind a limo in a parking lot with scores of security to keep out the fans. What hot blondes are there in Florida Championship Wrestling? Someone got called up. Bret now has a broken leg, which will miraculously heal in time for WrestleMania.
Big Show and Miz vs MVP and Mark Henry. Miz goes for a lazy pin, which MVP reverses for his team to get the pin. Are we already soured on the ShowMiz team? Has some random athlete agreed to wrestle Big Show at ‘Mania so he needs to lose the tag titles quick? There are lots of questions regarding these men and WM. Miz and MVP could be in Money in the Bank, if it still takes place at ‘Mania. Maybe Show will take on Shaq. Mark Henry could be the token big man in MITB. Either way I see MVP and Mark winning the tag titles, but unknown if it will be next week or at ‘Mania. This new PPV schedule is screwing up my fantasy booking.
“No WWE Superstar has won more than one Elimination Chamber… Except for Triple H who was won 4 times.” Big fucking surprise. He’s also the only man to keep his title in a Championship Scramble. Which was an awesome gimmick match not likely to come back. How many of these gimmick matches has Hunter a) been in b) entered as champion c) won d) kept his title e) won the title in the match. I’m sure its more matches than anyone else and a higher percentage of wins than anyone else in these matches.
I don’t even know where to begin with the Jerry Springer segment. Thankfully, they said it was all a joke so we have to strange storylines to continue. In the sex vs violence argument that’s existed since day one of media WWE teaches us that whores, transsexuals and infidelity is fine. But if Shelton cuts his head we have to stop the show. However the whole sitcom length segment was worth it for Santino’s Grandmaster Sexay reference.
Ted DiBiase defeats Kofi Kingston, and I agree with this decision. Ted needs a lot of momentum to look like a credible threat against Randy Orton at WM (under current rumored card). Kofi will probably win MITB this year and can lose every match he has until then. The briefcase will give him all the momentum he needs towards a future world title.
Antonio Inoki is going into the WWE Hall of Fame. I await an announcement that Vince has bought the New Japan tape library.
Batista appears “live via satellite” from the Jersey Shore. If SNL had a skit for how the Jersey Shore crew will look and act in their 40s, Batista is example one.
John Cena and Triple H have a good match until its ruined. Both men were giving it their all, taking bigger than usual bumps (for a Raw match from them), and having a couple really good spots. Then something happened. I’m watching Raw and I think, “why is the WWE title in the ring?” A couple moments later Sheamus arrives. Big boots for all! I would say good job Sheamus but the only reason he was allowed to lay both men out is because they were already weakened from their match.