Smarked for Death – WWE Monday Night Raw 4/26/10.

Tonight is the 3 hour annual WWE Draft.  With no ECW around anymore expect Smackdown to get screwed.  Fast forward, and they did!  Chris Jericho and Edge are now on Raw.  Raw’s main event scene is insane, possibly the biggest in the history of wrestling.  But that’s another column.

Hart Dynasty defeats ShowMiz for the unified tag team titles.  Harts are getting really really good.  Crowd’s getting behind them, and having Bret come out gives them a rub of credibility and an instant pop from the fans.  As soon as Show punched out Miz it was a lock that one of them would be switching brands.  Big Show now joins Kane on Smackdown as part of the “Two big guys that creative cant do anything interesting with, so we’ll just switch them between Raw and Smackdown, heel and face every year” team.  Miz can now start defending that United States title he’s had forever.  That would be nice.  Show can do nothing unless some writer remembers he’s there.   The Harts will hold those tag belts many many times.  Natalya is sure to get some matching gold as well.

Maryse plays the bitch role and hurts her tag partner Eve.  Michelle McCool shows she’s the bigger bitch.  Somewhere Kong, Melissa, Roxxi and Traci are wondering why they’ve punished their bodies for nothing.

I could watch CM Punk vs. random high flying wrestler all day.  Punk took everything he did against Rey and turned in a great, if too quick, match against Evan  Bourne.  The new mystery masked member of SES makes another appearance.  The announcers play it up like there are multiple masked men, which could be really cool.  No matter where Punk goes there are disciples.  Would be a huge mind job on his opponents.

Due to the lack of a guest host tonight, John Cena is in charge because he’s WWE champion.  What?!  When did this happen?  Every time a champion says he will or wont fight someone a person of authority comes out and says that the champion doesn’t make matches.  This has been my biggest problem with the guest GM gimmick.  And who is in charge of the Raw matches and wrestlers at a PPV?   I would love to see this “the champion is in charge” thing come back to bite Cena on the ass.

10 Man Battle Royal for 3 draft picks.  This match did more for Ted DiBiase that Legacy ever did.  Actually, Ted’s two appearances tonight furthered him more than the last two years have.   Ted hanged with Rey Mysterio and even out did him in the “he’s eliminated, no he barely hung on!” contest.  The last person who used to pull that off all the time?  Shawn Michaels.  Not a bad person for Ted to be compared to.  Ted wins the match and takes out Santino with a Dream Street.  The hero for Raw and a huge heel all in one minute.  But Ted wasn’t done!  He asks Carlito and R-Truth to be his version of Virgil.  Refusals aside, fact is someone will probably fit into this role (Shad’s push isn’t going well).  Add the much rumored Fortunate Sons faction and Ted DiBiase is your breakout star of the year.

Chris Jericho finally gets a win this month, and its against Christian.  Who is shortly after traded to Smackdown.  Apparently Christian and Edge cant be on the same show.  Smackdown is probably a better fit for Christian anyways.  He could very easily get into the IC or World title picture, which wasn’t happening for him on Raw.

Jack Swagger continues to shut up the critics, like me.  Sure he lost to John Morrison last week.  But that was before he beat Randy Orton in an excellent match.  Swagger pulls out the win here and starts to look like a world champion.  Lisp aside, he’s not bad on the mic.  He’s also deceptively strong.  He looks like a lanky kid, until he muscles up another 250 pound guy and man handles him up and down with the gut wrench power bomb.  While SD! rebuilds their main event scene both Swagger and his opponents will grow into a new crop of main eventers for WWE.

Dolph vs. Hornswoggle isn’t even worth talking about.  DX has been over for almost two months now.  Get Horny some new clothes.  And why does Dolph start to build some momentum only to have it killed?  Also, why does MS Word tell me Dolph isn’t a word but Hornswoggle is?

Finally the number one contender match, which non-GM GM of the night John Cena makes into a triple threat match.  Somehow Batista wins this match.  Which is stunning when the entire Internet Wrestling Community was telling me that Batista was done with WWE.  Yet here he is in the main event for the next PPV.  I should know by now not to listen to the IWC.  Anyways, WWE gives me hope that this will be the most exciting time for Raw in years when Edge spears Randy Orton.  But they’re both faces (-ish)!  There is so much insane potential in this that every week could be a PPV.  John Cena, Batista, Chris Jericho, Edge, Randy Orton, Sheamus and (although currently out due to injury) Triple H all on the same show.  50 World titles between them all.  50!  This is the biggest draft ever, potentially.  You want to see new talent raised up?  That’s what Smackdown is for.  Raw has become the All Stars show.  So excited for next week, don’t screw this one up WWE.

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