Smarked for Death – WWE Monday Night Raw 9/6/10 Review.

Your Undefined Raw review blog of choice!

Raw opens up with the Nexus talking about their recent attacks.  Yes, you attacked Undertaker in his worst booked state.  I’ll get to Smackdown soon, but no one wants to see a) a weak Undertaker or b) Undertaker and Kane feuding again.  But again, I’ll save that for a Smackdown review.

The Nexus says they’re powerful.  Matches for this evening are made.

Chris Jericho faces John Morrison and if Jericho loses, he’s out of the title match at Night of Champions.  Actually surprising everyone, John Morrison wins a pretty good match.  Jericho is out of the match, but if he isn’t in the match at the PPV, then he can’t lose said match, thus would he still have to leave Raw?  Also, would Jericho be leaving Raw or leaving WWE?  With Smackdown moving to SyFy in October all signs point to some talent shuffling.  I wonder where Chris Jericho and John Morrison see themselves in a month’s time.

Oh, over there.  Well that makes sense.

I know they have both been stuck on and off in tag teams, but these two paired together could be money.  Wonder if they have any chemistry together.  Whatever comes next, Jericho will change.  The fans chanted Y2J as he left.  They’re ready for the return of face Jericho, but is he?

Melina takes on the “undefined champion of the Divas”, Alicia Fox.  Did she mean undisputed, uncrowned, uncooked and uncensored?  If I was WWE, I’d run with this.  Make up “Alicia Fox – Undefined” t-shirts.  Play up that her character doesn’t fit into any box (snicker) but is beyond the usual labels.

Melina continues to loosen up and every week comes up with a new contorted yet sexy move.

(Cant find a screencap of this, so here’s a classic Melina split for you.)  Really?  Is this necessary?  Well, now I know what to do with these.

It figures that as soon as Ted DiBiase and Maryse start to show some chemistry with each other, they’re about to be broken up.  Who is the mysterious note writer, and which person does he/she desire?  My money is on Santino.

Hello Justin Gabriel, nice of you to arrive.  In a match that no one had any desire to see, Gabriel has one of the best Cena matches of the year.  Not bad against the guy who faces everyone, multiple times, over the year.  As much as the Cena haters would like to say that Justin is so good as a Rookie that he can carry Cena to a good match, that’s not true.  Its time to admit that John Cena can have good matches (see Royal Rumble vs. Umaga).  Cena has also been in WWE long enough, with hundreds of main event matches, that he knows what to do to make someone look good.  Cena made Gabriel look like a star last night.  Complete with an amped up finishing move, necessary to defeat his strong opponent.  Speaking of said move, why on Earth is Michael Cole calling it “AA”?  I’ve never seen Arn Anderson perform said move, nor do I feel like taking 12 steps after seeing it.  Its Attitude Adjustment Cole, leave it alone.

Its the greatest time in the world, magazine time!  Miz cuts the same promo he did during his feud with MVP, and that version was better.

Holy fuck, was that good.  That was the night Miz became a star.

Anyways, Miz shows off his magazine cover (and who says print is dead?) and Daniel Bryan plays dueling covers.  The good news in all of this is that the Miz has taught Alex Riley how to tell the good guys from the bad.  No beating up your teammates this week A-Ri!

Daniel Bryan then kicks the Miz’s effigy.  This was much like Jesus destroying the merchants tables.  Coincidently, both men were vegetarians and don’t own TVs.

Edge gets very angry at the AOL-GM.  The man behind the curtain is seen and its… a piece of notebook paper?  Can WWE not set up some WiFi at the arena?

You thought your e-mail was fast?  It cant be faster than magically appearing pieces of paper!  Bow before the glory of loose leaf, Edge.  BOW!

Oh, Cole somehow becomes the voice of common sense when he points out to all that the Great Khali eliminated himself from the match, and no one — not even the referee — caught it.  This is a sad day for wrestling fans.  The day Michael Cole made sense.

The 5 man announce team for the main event yields comedy gold.  But the big news is the return of the Missing Link!  Darren Young becomes a Legacy wrestler!

I’d call Darren Young, “Black Missing Link” but that sounds like a 1970’s Marvel character.  That and he would need some sort of electrical/lightning based powers.

Tune into Raw next week to see your true stars, John Cena and Randy Orton.  Oh,  maybe any of our 3 champions will actually have a match on the show.  No match for Sheamus, the Miz, and the Hart Dynasty hasn’t had a match since being presented with the new tag team titles.

Next week!

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