Smarked for Death – WWE NXT 10/5/10.

The first episode on WWE.com now that NXT is off of Syfy.  Tonight will also feature the first elimination.  I’m really hoping I can fast forward through some of this crap.

Tonight’s challenge is Bull Riding.  What sort of Diva gets their job based on their riding abilities?  As if on queue the Bella Twins offer to ride the bull.

Naomi lasts 12.5 seconds.  Aksana entertainments us for 17.9 seconds.  Somewhere along the way the bull has lost its horns.  Perhaps being horny is not WWE PG compliant.  AJ rides for 9 seconds, but she wears a little cowgirl hat so all is well.  Jamie’s arm strength only holds for 10.9 seconds.  Maxine kisses the bull and slaps its ass before she rides.  I hope she shows all her steeds the same courtesy.  Maxine rough rides for a ittle over 9 seconds.  Kaitlyn blows in the bull’s ear, but it only gives her 10 seconds.  Aksana wins, they must have bulls in Lithuania.  In Soviet Union bull rides you!

Maxine vs. Aksana

Remember kids, Aksana is in danger of being deported.  Start predicting your WWE marriage story now.  Maxine goes for a pin but Aksana rolls through and pins Maxine.  Josh says Maxine must have been disorientted from falling off the bull.  This is the show WWE tries to apply logic to?!

The second challenge of the show is a watching the show!  No but seriously its a talent competition.  Aksana does sex pushups and the bull regains its horns!  Wow.  Move over Bella escorts.

Naomi freestyle raps.  I think its called You Can’t See ‘Mi.

AJ’s talent is to give Michael Cole a personality.  Good line.  AJ shows off her flexibility.  Is WWE rated TV-PG in other countries?  Because this is the best Diva action since Attitude.  AJ’s new name is bendy straw.

Jamie says her talent is turning men on.  Jamie flirts with Striker, makes out with him, teases him.  Cuckold Striker FTW!

Kaitlyn says she’s an artist.   Tell’s the audience to not look until she’s done.  Kaitlyn, just because the hard camera cant see the canvas, doesn’t mean the other 3 sides of the ring cant!  Kaitlyn draws a big assed stick figure saying “Excuse Me!”  OK, that was funny as hell.  Kaitlyn says she’ll put Vickie down on another canvas tonight.  Again, NXT has contiunity?!  WTF?!

Maxine first apologizes to Hornswoggle, which they show the clip from last week.  Why is there so much contiunity?!!  Maxine baked a pie for Hornswoggle.  Maxine flicks pie at Hornswoggle, who smashes the pie in Maxine’s face.  King Kong Maxine (Maxine Bundy?) starts feuding with a midget.

The WWE Universe decides Kaitlyn wins.  Kaitlyn has won three competitions and so has AJ, so the Universe decides who gets immunity.  The bigger boobs wins.

Aksana is served deportation papers.  Goldust says he’ll take care of it.  This story is just too obvious.

Vickie Guerrero (with Dolph Ziggler) vs. Kaitlyn.  To be fair, Vickie has lost a lot of weight and does look better.  Vickie takes the fight to the outside for a while.  Even her kicks look weak.  This is a horrible horrible match wrestling wise.  However the entertainment is off the charts, thanks to Vickie’s acting.  She may be one of the greatest heels of all time.  Kaitlyn gets a schoolgirl roll up on Vickie for the pin.  Kaitlyn and Dolph celebrate but Dolph pushes Kaitlyn away when Vickie notices.  This love triangle could be entertaining but I feel it will drag on for far far too long.

How is there an exclusive replay of NXT on Wednesday night?  Its on WWE.com I can watch it anytime I like.

The first elimination takes place.  There is no ranking, just straight up elimination.  Jamie has been eliminated.  The Bellas are either so upset they drop to the ground or they forgot how to stand.

Maybe all 6 Rookies will join forces as Sexus.

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