Rome Don’t Stop 23 – Utica Edition!

According to Wikipedia, the section of northern New York I’m currently stuck living in is known as the Utica-Rome Metropolitan Statistical Area.  This area has a population of near 300,000 people and is thus ripe for mocking.

Yes, that would be the world’s largest watering can.  Its located in the Utica Zoo.

Now that Utica has been added to the Rome Don’t Stop collection its time to explain Utica.  What is Utica?  Lets check the Urban Dictionary.

1. The city that God forgot

2. A shithole. Located right in the middle of New York State and centrally located 5 hours away from 3 major cities (just far enough to be out of reach). Most people living there are either retarded or want to get the hell out. Did I mention it sucks?

3. Like being dead, but without the fun.

4. Often thought of as New York State’s Worst City. Debatable, but certainly not out of the realm of possibility. City of about 52,000. Incredibly lame. Often, the people there have an ironic attachment to their dead city. No jobs at all. No skyline. People there don’t seem to like to read, either because their library is open for maybe 10 hours each week.

5. A dying city in upstate New York’s rust belt, situated in the verdant Mohawk Valley, just south of Adirondack Park. Utica has a significant population of Italian and Polish Americans and has recently seen a substantial influx of Bosnian immigrants, who have injected a semblance of economic vigor and opportunity to the city. Mouseketeer Annette Funicello was born in Utica. She got out young.

6. Small, once promising Upstate New York City. Now looks like missile testing grounds. Home of the original “Big wig” wanna-bes and wacky, limp politicians that trade offices every election. Site of corruption and future massive power line. Using plywood as window dressing is catching on, as well as being almost totaly jobless.

7. A city in Central New York.

Summers are marked by hot, humid weather; winters by ice, snow that never melts, and -20 degree (F) weather.

Despite its lack of distinguishing features, Utica has several upsides:

1. The recent host of the Simple Plan, Good Charlotte & Reliant K “Noise to the World” Tour
2. The KRock-athon, an annual summer event inviting many of the hottest rock bands for an all day event
3. The Boilermaker, a summer race that attracts hundreds of people world-wide.

When any of these events are not taking place, though, Utica remains just another dusty city that America forgot.
Most, if not all people, want to leave it.

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