Remember fans, 16,000 people in Dallas cant be wrong (and that’s an insanely huge number for Raw) the only feud worth anything going into WrestleMania must be Undertaker vs. Triple H. As Undertaker starts Raw we start this edition of Smarked for Death.
Undertaker talks in his classic not creepy way. Oh, and WWE continues to call Shawn Michaels the greatest of all time. Yay, a video package in the opening segment! The Last Outlaw raises the stakes for Mania and makes the match No Holds Barred. They really are making this the biggest match on the card.
New Nexus beats the shit out of Randy Orton backstage. Poor Randall. No one wants to take a beating from David Otunga. Punk slams Orton’s head into a wall and hits the GTS on a concrete floor. Which doesn’t seem that bad as the GTS point of impact is Punk’s knee. Anyways, Nexus drags the prone Randall to the ring.
Back from commercial and the now 3 man Nexus crew (who don’t look as devastating anymore) push Randy around. The story from last week continues and David Otunga vs. Randy Orton begins. Yeah, there’s no way Orton will be taking a pin from Otunga. As expected, Randy hits an RKO and pins David. Not David Batista runs down to the ring and Mason Ryan hits a couple power moves on Orton before eating an RKO himself. Punk tries another attack but Randall holds him off. Making its second appearance in as many weeks, the Punk returns and is introduced to Otunga’s head. John Cena could have eliminated Nexus that much sooner if he had a stronger shin.
Christian comes out (which must confuse all those WWE fans that only watch Smackdown (yeah right)). Christian isn’t fighting Alberto, or Rodriguez, but recent NXT Rookie Brodus Clay.
Christian vs. Brodus Clay
Clay might get a lot more notice and a bigger push if he didn’t look like King Kong Bundy. Did Christian bust open his nose already? Or did he have an allergic reaction to lobster? Christian hits a Tornado DDT on Clay for the pin, which took too much effort to earn over a Rookie. Del Rio attacks Christian and its to no avail as ADR locks on the arm bar. Again. See you next year Christian.
Hype video for Sin Cara. Hopefully not until after Mania. If you’re going to push someone this hard, wait until after what is proving to be a massive PPV.
The next member of WWE Hall of Fame is Sunny! She absolutely deserves it. But if Vickie ever goes away and WWE needs another cougar bitch all the long term fans would love to see Sunny come back.
Eve (WWE Divas champion) vs. Nikki Bella
Michael Cole inturupts the match to talk about himself. Real respectful of the Divas. Yes, its two Divas I don’t care about either but that doesn’t mean they should be disrespected in such a way. Didn’t come across as any great story arc, but as more Cole is an asshole TV.
Snooki comes to Raw next week. There are over 30 men on Raw. Can one woman suck that much cock in a night?
Michael Cole introduces his guest referee for Mania, and its JBL! Just when you thought the locker room was safe. All of these returns and comebacks for this year’s WrestleMania and I’m sick of most of the guys already. But not sick of the man who finally shuts JBL up. Stone Cold Steve Austin comes down to the ring and hits a Stunner on JBL. All while not saying a word. Well, not a word on the microphone. WWE, where when the legends return they don’t say a fucking thing. Austin signs the contract to be the special referee in the Cole vs. Lawler match. I’m pretty sure that’s not how contracts work. I think JBL’s name would have been in there a few hundred times already. Wrestling logic rules! Austin dumps some beer on Cole’s head to end what turned out to be a Marvel “Nuff Said” issue.
Michael Cole whines to Jack Swagger. No one cares
Daniel Bryan (US Champion) vs. King Sheamus
With Cole’s absence from the ring, Jerry Lawler comes out to commentate. Match barely starts when Sheamus takes a bad fall to the outside and cracks his ankle on the announce table. Sheamus’s current story seems to be that he no longer has the luck of the Irish. Sheamus says if he cant win the US title next week he’ll quit. What better way to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?
Shawn Michaels is going to talk again in part two of his latest video. Can I have some wrestling on the show? Oh good, CM Punk vs. R-Truth. What’s up?! How about some wrestling? Can a brother get a good match on TV? Punk attacks Truth’s shoulder and the Anaconda Vice makes a return! Nice! Truth taps out to what had become Punk’s forgotten move. Mason Ryan beats up Truth a little as well. Nexus is down to two members.
Why is Vickie Guerrero on Raw? Wasn’t she fired? Oh, Dolph Ziggler is now on Raw. Good show. This must be a Money in the Bank qualifying match right? No? Not yet? Balls.
Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison
Dolph hits the Zig Zag for the pin and has a real good showing on his Raw debut (or return if you will). The GM sends out an email. Dolph is hired to Raw, but not Vickie. Vickie has a match next week, that if she wins she will be on Raw. The match is against Trish Stratus. Nice. Good ratings push. Four security guards come down to remove Vickie. Really? Four?
John Cena comes out to respond to Rock’s comments from last week. And we’re two hours into Raw. Well thats a shitty way to end the evening. Cena does another barely PG (and not really at all) rap (sorry, hip hop) promo against the Rock. Funniest part was Cena’s version of the Rock’s new shirt which now says “I bring it via satellite”. Good stuff. The Miz finally shows up, and clobbers Cena with the WWE championship. Yeah, thank you WWE for remembering who your champion is. Unless the main event turns into a three way match there is no reason to put the Rock over so much. He’ll be at Mania. Great. He’s not the star.