Smarked for Death – WWE Raw 5/23/11.

One night removed from the Over the Limit PPV and lets all see if John Cena is able to stand, let alone walk after the beating he took.

Jerry Lawler comes out to talk about last night’s match.  Being a Cole hater I skip everything he says but once Bret Hart comes out its a different tale.  Or so I thought.  Bret talks about respect which is just a set up for R-Truth to disrespectfully interrupt.  Truth is still giving little Jimmy some shit.  John Cena comes out to find out why Truth is a nut ball.  Truth’s ridiculous mic work is exposed by Cena when he has to turn away and laugh.  That’s always a good way to build up a heel.  The main event match is made and all this went on for 15 minutes.

Big Show and Kane are leaning on a car, because the walls aren’t strong enough to hold up these two.  Ricardo Rodriguez yells at them to get off the car and gets shoved away by Big Show like so much lettuce.  Del Rio throws in a few choice words and this ends with the tag team champions walking away out of apathy.

Big Show and Kane (WWE Tag Team champions) vs. Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga (with Nexus)

CM Punk joins the announcers for this match.  Kane outthinks and out maneuvers Otunga into committing to a move.  David hits nothing but canvas and then gets hit by the champions for a bit.  Both sides make tags and McGillicutty eats some chops.  Nexus takes control and Kane, being slightly smaller, gets worked over.  Otunga has learned how to wear down an opponent and is doing pretty well in the ring tonight.  Punk, as always, does great work calling the match.  Anytime Big Show can be compared to King Kong Bundy its a good day.  Mason Ryan distracts Kane.  Kane and Ryan go tumbling out of the ring and the referee takes a bump.  Otunga and McGillicutty try to double team Big Show but its the assistance of CM Punk kicking the back of Show’s head that finally seals the fate.   Nexus are the new WWE tag team champions.

Scott Standford interviews the now former WWE tag team champions.  Del Rio slaps Show, a chase ensues and the cameraman falls.  When the cameras are in focus again Big Show is now trapped under Del Rio’s car.  Big Show looks to be hurt badly and will no doubt be off of TV for months.  Kane holds Show’s hand like the giant is about to give birth.  I wasn’t aware that taking the Lord’s name in vain was allowed on PG television.  Well, if my knee was torn to shit I’d want to say something worse than “ow” as well.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

As much as Evan tries, this is nothing but a squash match to get Swagger over.  Swagger hits the gut wrench power bomb for an easy pin.  Lawler puts him over too and it might be time to build Jack back up.  Swagger does a victory lap and Evan uses the opportunity to knock Jack’s teeth with a kick.

Michael Cole offers his hand in apology to Eve.  She offers her foot instead.  And I am now fast forwarding through the rest of the Cole segments.

The Miz comes out and blames Alex Riley for his recent losses.  Miz wants another rematch against John Cena but this time, with Riley banned from ringside.  He waits for a response from the GM, and eventually an email arrives.  The GM says Miz is done with the Cena, which means he’s done with the WWE title as long as Cena holds it.  Alex Riley continues to get the blame, and A-Ri stands up for himself and tells Miz that he isn’t the one that quit.  Miz chews up Riley and fires him.  Push comes to shove and Riley fights back, surprising everyone with how violent and emotional he can be.  The fans are chanting Riley!  This kid could be over.  The Miz is left laying and Alex Riley just had the most important day of his wrestling life.

Brie Bella (WWE Divas champion), Nikki Bella, Maryse and Melina vs. Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Gail Kim and Beth Phoenix

The match doesn’t even really start before Kharma comes out.  Beth rallies the Divas together to form a united front against the only female monster in WWE.  The Divas encircle Kharma and something violent is about to happen.  Or not.  Kharma falls to her knees and begins crying.  The Divas are stunned, as is the crowd and no one knows what the hell is going on.

Kofi Kingston (US champion) vs. Drew McIntyre

Well at least Drew isn’t stuck on Superstars this week.  Drew clips Kofi’s knee during a leap frog attempt and then takes control of the match.  The match isn’t for the title, but to set up Drew as a contender for the belt.  Lawler doesn’t agree with Drew working over Kofi’s injured knee.  This is like Flair admonishing the younger talent for cheating.  Kofi tries to rally back, but when so much of his arsenal involves jumping moves its difficult for him to hit any finisher, or even the set ups.  McIntyre goes for multiple pin attempts but Kofi doesn’t need both legs to work in order to kick out.  Kofi loops behind Drew and brings back the SOS front flip into a pin.  Kofi retains the title and this displeases Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero, who are watching from the back.

Nexus celebrates their victory, Del Rio says things about Big Show.  Yes its the talking portion of the show.

WWE pays tribute to the late Macho Man Randy Savage.  Absolutely beautiful tribute video.

CM Punk and R-Truth vs. John Cena and Rey Mysterio (Bret Hart is the special referee)

The greatest wrestling fan in wrestling, CM Punk, wears Macho Man tribute gear.  Can this man do anything bad?  Either the crowd really hates Cena, or they are embracing the super-fan Punk.  Either way, Truth feels the energy and leads the crowd in a CM Punk chant.  One of WWE’s biggest heels gets more love than their babyface champion.  Brilliant.  Punk starts to imitate Hart’s signature five moves of set up.  Cena cuts it short though.  Mysterio and Punk get to run at Lucha speed for a few minutes.  Punk attempts a GTS but Rey fights out and knocks Punk down.  Bret Hart locks CM Punk into a sharpshooter as Rey comes down with a leg drop.  Mysterio pins CM Punk and WWE’s two biggest superheroes celebrate with Canada’s favorite son.

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