Smarked for Death – WWE Superstars 5/26/11.

The Zack Ryder appreciation show begins!

Santino Marella vs. Zack Ryder

Announcer Scott Stanford calls Santino, Corporal Cobra?  What the hell, are WWE and GI Joe teaming up again?  Maybe this time we can see more WWE comic books from Marvel comics.  There’s a girl in the front row that looks like the main chick from Lazy Town.  Santino plays the comedy and Zack tries to get some actual wrestling going.  This match is an extension of a feud with these two men and their usual tag team partners.  I’ve been watching Superstars for a few weeks now and had no idea there’s a feud taking place.  Santino plays the comedy cards and frustrates Ryder so much that Zack can’t get anything started here.  Once Santino pulls out his new Cobra variation, which numbs the muscles that the cobra strikes, its all but over for Ryder.  Santino gets scared of heights and tries to come off the bottom rope to put away Zack.  The Long Island Iced Z takes this missed move as his moment to turn the match into his favor.  Zack goes for that headlock for way too long though.  Ryder misses a knee and that gives plenty of space for the Cobra to strike.  Santino gets the pin in the most over the top comedy match I’ve seen in a long time.

JTG vs. Curt Hawkins

But if there is some feud going on then why isn’t Curt fighting Vladimir Kozlov this week?  It matters not, as JTG can be a fine wrestler when he wants to be.  The crowd is totally dead for this match.  Cant blame them, JTG never caught on with Cryme Tyme and has done even less since they split.  Hawkins is best known as the internet celebrity’s friend.  Curt breaks out the new requisite heel move and runs JTG’s body into the ring post.  WWE has a camera perched between the middle and bottom turnbuckles.  That’s new, and a perfect place for a new camera angle.  Yeah, sorry, that’s the most exciting part of the match so far.  Hawkins tries to put JTG down with a suplex.  I don’t think I’ve seen anyone other than the British Bulldog do such a thing.  Scott Stanford tries to put over the brutality of the match.  Not quite.  JTG goes for some sort of finisher but Hawkins pulls him down from the ropes.  Give all the credit to Stanford in this match, he’s calling it like its the main event at WrestleMania.  Hawkins hits a Heatseeker elbow drop for the pin.  Great name for a finisher too.

Tyson Kidd comes out with his new manager… holy crap its Armando Estrada!  He’s still gold on the mic and swaggers like an asshole.  One of two things are happening here, and they’re both great.  Either Armando is back full time and that can only lead to brilliant interviews.  Or Tyson will have a new manager every couple weeks and the array of former WWE talent that could be brought in for cameo appearances is deep.

Tyson Kidd vs. Trent Barretta

This is the third match between the two, and the previous ones have been underknown classics.  Trent and Tyson have a nice fast paced exchange to warm up for the match.  Barretta starts to work over Tyson’s arm.  Even though Kidd is very well rounded I still think I’d work over the legs over the arms.  Armando hops up on the ring apron for long enough to throw off Trent’s game.  Kidd knocks Trent to the floor and Tyson controls the next part of the match.   Matt Striker tries to make a distinction between a  manager and an agent.  Call it what you will, if a guy who isn’t a full time wrestler hangs outside the ring during your match — he’s a manager.  Trent looks like every move is causing him severe pain but he doesn’t care because he wont give up until he’s a champion.  Not that there’s a title in this match, but you get the point.  Barretta sells a beating like no one else, he looks like he could be beaten at any time but also looks like there’s that tiny bit left that might be enough to pick up a surprise pinfall.  Trent and Tyson both know how to shock their opponents with a knee or kick to the head.  Tyson comes off the top rope and connects, yet somehow Barretta kicks out.  Kidd knows there’s no kicking out of a Sharpshooter though.  Trent fights and fights, and in true main event level, crawls his way to a rope break.  Tyson doesn’t know what to do to keep Trent down, but a Fisherman’s Buster seems to finally be enough.  Kidd gets the pin and Trent gets everyone’s respect.

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