Smarked for Death – WWE Raw 5/30/11.

Remember fans, WWE is big on holidays that fall on Mondays.  The show opens with R-Truth doing something, but the audio picks nothing up.  Lets pick up here with reviewing the show.

R-Truth comes out and yells at children, insults John Cena, says he’s being held back.  You know, the usual.  The sound keeps cutting in and out, so lets just assume both men said they’ll kick the other guy’s ass.  The Raw GM makes a match and that’s about it.  Hopefully the sound gets fixed after the commercial break.

Kofi Kingston (US Champion) vs. Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero)

Thankfully Dolph has bleached his hair blonde again and thus he looks like a star again too.  This is a non title match, even though it should just be for the title to add a little extra excitement to the contest.  The announcers bring up the history between these two, as they feuded over the Intercontinental title on Smackdown last year.  That might be why I’m not too excited for this match.  I saw it all last year.  Nothing against either guy as I think both could be very successful world champions.  Dolph avoids Trouble in Paradise but Kofi avoids the sleeper.  Kofi comes off the top and misses, then Dolph only gets a two count with an axe kick.  Now the match is getting good.  Dolph hangs onto the ropes when Kofi tries to hit the SOS.  Unfortunately Kingston cant copy the block, and Kofi falls victim to the Zig Zag for the pin.  Looks like Ziggler will be holding the secondary title sometime this summer.

Alberto Del Rio comes out and says some asshole things about the recently injured Big Show.  Not much more than set up for a feud.

Brie Bella (Divas champion) and Nikki vs. Kelly Kelly and Eve

Its still shocking that Kelly has not won either the Divas or formerly the Womens title.  Cole gives the women respect and claims to be nothing but enraptured with the match.  All of this just from Eve hitting him with a moonsault.   My previous comment may have been answered, as Kelly goes on the offense and loses her accessory belt.  If she cant hold onto a cheap one, she could never grasp the gold for long.  Oh, Kelly gets the pin too.

Michael Cole calls out Alex Riley to explain last week’s actions.  Riley comes out to new (and good) theme music along with a huge crowd reaction.  Cole calls Riley a bastard and tries to say the word with such weight behind it you would think he called Alex a motherfucker.  Miz finally comes out and beats up Riley.  Just when it looks like the Miz is going to win this battle, Alex starts fighting back with his new found ruthless agression.  Alex Riley gets the best of Miz and the fans cheer A-Ri even harder.

CM Punk (with Mason Ryan) vs. Rey Mysterio

Apparently some kid on American Idol wore a CM Punk shirt.  There’s no way Punk has ever watched an episode of Idol.  CM Punk distracts the referee and Mason runs Rey’s body into the ring post.  The beast on the outside might detract from this match, as Punk and Rey usually have near 5 star matches without any interference.  Punk avoids the 619 but he does not avoid the tope that drives both Rey and Punk into the announce table.  More great action in the ring.  Punk goes for a GTS.  Rey fights out and when he should be taking out Punk, Rey decides to dropkick Ryan instead.  Its enough time for Punk to come back to his feet and take out Rey with a kick to the back of the head.   CM Punk gets the pin and we all hope he wont be leaving WWE anytime soon.

Kharma comes out to actually speak.  I realize WWE has to address this, but does this ruin her gimmick before it even gets going?  Granted it will be a year before we find out.  She is good on the mic though.  Good voice, excellent points, definitely someone who should be talking more.  Kharma announces that she’s pregnant and due to the nature of wrestling, and the difficulty of her pregnancy she will be gone for the length of the pregnancy.  The Bella twins come out and tear a large powerful emotionally unstable pregnant woman apart.  If it wasn’t for the baby, there would be two dead twins in the ring right now.  Kharma threatens to take down the Bellas when she returns.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

This is a rematch from last week.  Both men take a nasty fall to the outside and its a small miracle they can continue with the match.  Swagger, as the larger and more experienced wrestler, looks to have this match easily won.  Evan surprises him with a roll up for the pin though.  This mini feud is at one match each.  Expect the rubber match next week.

John Cena heads to the ring and walks past a live taping of the Zack Ryder internet show.  That was fantastic.

R-Truth vs. John Cena (WWE Champion)

I cant  even begin to express how much I don’t care about Truth.  Going to the end of the match.  Truth tricks Cena into coming out to the crowd.  Truth hits Cena and it seems like his hand is a little heavier than usual when he knocks John out.  Cena is down and Truth beats the referee to win the match on a count out.  R-Truth heads to the crowd and spills drinks on people wearing Cena shirts.

Sorry Truth but you cant carry this ball.  Next!

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