Smarked for Death – Impact Wrestling 5/26/11.

Constantly searching for that glimmer of hope in two awful hours.  Its time to watch some Impact!


Tommy Dreamer and Bully Ray vs. Christopher Daniels and AJ Styes

AJ is still wearing a neck brace.  Ray is still wearing leftovers from The Warriors wardrobe.  This is a real nice brawl so far, complete with violent hits and numerous high spots.  For some reason it took this long to click with me, but should Impact be using the same color scheme as Smackdown?  I cant imagine its coincidental, especially considering Smackdown used to be on Thursdays.  Dreamer rips the protection off of AJ’s neck and it now becomes the focus of the Extreme team’s attack.  The only thing more disturbing than seeing Styles neck nearly be broken, is Dreamer’s generic Asian video game villain inspired tights.  AJ lifts and Daniels assists, enabling Tommy to take a three count inducing spike piledriver.  Nice hardcore match.

Sting gets his own talkshow called the Scorpion Sitdown.  Is it?  It is!  Mr Anderson yet again in full classic Sting garb comes out for the talking segment.  Ander-Sting’s first guest is the future legend Disco Inferno.  Words and such leading up to Anderson attacking and bloodying the Inferno.  Sting saves Disco and everyone from Debbie Harry to  Dazzler rejoices.

Eric Young and Gunner talk.  We all continue to wonder how Gunner made it to TV, let alone to carry a title.

Velvet Sky calls out ODB.  Velvet says she’s worked for everything she’s received in wrestling.  ODB calls Sky a whore.  More trash talking and then some down and dirty white trash fighting.  Somehow Velvet has become an island unto herself and no one comes out to help her.

Beer Money might have to give up the tag team titles due to Robert Roode’s injury.  Foreshadowing!  All this plus way too much talking for the next nearly twenty minutes of television.

Jeff Jarrett (with Karen) vs. Matt Morgan

Story is that Kurt Angle hand picked Morgan to face Jeff tonight.  Its been a week so I wasn’t sure what side Matt was fighting on until he came out for this match.  Still not sure.  Its TNA and anyone can change allegiances at any time.  Referee Earl Hebner makes Karen sit far out of range from ringside.  This whole rigamarole probably lasts longer than the match will.  Yeah, only a minute in and Morgan is already going for his elbows in the corner spot.  Matt lets everyone know a big boot is coming, and then is shocked when Jeff dodges it.  Karen gets up and tries to rally Jarrett.  Wait for it.   Wait for it… And Karen hands Jeff a crutch, he uses it to hit Morgan and … only gets a two count.  At least something was surprising here.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and Karen trips up the referee.  There are too many passengers because this match is over booked!  Scott Steiner comes through the crowd and takes out Morgan.  Steiner rolls out of the ring with the grace of a man who’s back no longer twists or bends.  Jeff gets the pin.  Yay.

Its time for the Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan talking hour!  Remember kids, wrestling matters here, but the guys in charge are going to give themselves more time than they give any match.

Winter (with Angelina Love) vs. Mickie James (Knockouts champion)

Much quicker match than this should have been.  Angelina doesn’t get involved at all.  Mickie wins with a DDT.  Somewhere along the way Winter started to bleed.  There’s the attack!  Tranced up Angelina assaults Mickie after the match.  I guess this is where the next feud is going to be.

Abyss (X Division champion) vs. Brian Kendrick

I’ll assume this is going to be a massacre on Kendrick.  Abyss as X champion is different, but when its all done we’ll know whether it was actually any good.  Kendrick does get in a fair number of moves but there was never any doubt how this match was going to turn out.  So, yeah, Abyss wins.

Gunner (TV Champion) vs. Eric Young

EY drops down to the finger point of doom!  Gunner goes for the easy pin when Eric rolls up Gunner for the pin!  We have a new Television champion.  Someone deserving of a title in TNA!  Best match of the week!

Kurt Angle vs. Rob Van Dam

Jeff Jarrett and Karen join the announcers for this match.  Wonderful husband that Jeff is, he makes Karen stand.  She has a crutch, she’ll be fine.  The wrestlers get title match introductions, which is not necessary at all.  Jeff reminds the fans that he has defeated Kurt at every PPV this year.  Why not switch up the cards and feuds a little?  Rob spits a little blood out of his mouth and thankfully this isn’t WWE and the match continues.  It doesn’t even pause.  With two great wrestlers in the ring, it makes sense to constantly go to a split screen so we can all see Jeff and Karen talk.  RVD counters an Angle slam with a DDT and then its split screen action again!  Excitement thy name is Jarrett.  Jeff cheers for Van Dam but isn’t RVD a face?  One never knows in TNA.  Rob fights out of an ankle lock, Kurt avoids a frog splash and the second time works when Kurt catches RVD with an Angle slam for the pin.

Maybe wrestling will matter on the PPVs.

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