Smarked for Death – WWE Raw 6/27/11.

Raw is live from Las Vegas and the Raw Roulette wheel has made its return.


Booker T is our guest spinner to decide the matches.

Shawn Michaels comes out to promote his new absolutely ridiculous outdoors show.  HBK says he tried to stay away, but damn it when there are things to promote there are things to promote!  For what is sure to be the first time of many this evening, CM Punk saves the course of the show.  Punk comes out with Nexus members and WWE tag team champions David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty.  Shawn and Punk trade barbs and like any great villain, its tough to argue against all of Punk’s points.  Punk absolutely slams Michaels with one word.  Shawn says “we don’t drink we don’t smoke we don’t do drugs” and CM Punk gets in one word “…anymore”.  Wow, I cant believe the shit he’s getting away with.  HBK has had enough and super kicks Otunga.  The Raw GM tweets that Punk will be in tonight’s first match.  The Roulette wheel lands on a question mark, which means a mystery opponent.  The challenger is revealed and HBK lands a kick on McG on his way out.

CM Punk vs. Kane

Kane is looking good when its only one week removed from Mark Henry putting him through a table.  Punk controls the first part of the match, having no real trouble with the sometimes monster.  When Kane starts to gain an advantage CM Punk dives out of the ring and walks off, purposely taking the count out loss.  Michael Cole actually makes a good point when he says that CM Punk is already the number one contender, what does he have to gain by wrestling in this match?  Excellent point Cole, you were about due for one.

Sin Cara vs. Evan Bourne.

Its the match everyone wanted to see last week, and its a no countout match!  This is not a choice!  The ring is bathed in blue yet again.  Oh, both men stare at each other while they’re on the floor, but its alright because there’s no count out!  This is Sin Cara’s best match since joining WWE.  The two men are allowed to go nuts and all that talent they usually have to hold back is on display here.  Evan hits one of the highest, most spectacular standing moonsaults I’ve ever seen.  Sin Cara spins around Evan and drives him down for what I think was a DDT to get the pin.  I was all set to write Sin Cara off but this was a hell of a match.

Kofi Kingston is about to spin the wheel, but Vickie Guerrero runs in and spins for him.  Its lands on Viewer’s Choice, and Kofi chooses that Vickie will be banned from ringside.

The Raw MITB challengers are announced.  I’m picking Alberto Del Rio to win.

Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler (US champion).  Vickie Guerrero is banned from ringside.

Its another match in the best of 5 hundred series!  Dolph tries to take the count out but Kofi chases after him and tosses Ziggler back into the ring.  I have zoned out completely on this match, as I’ve seen it far too many times lately.  Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise and gets the pin.  What the hell, this wasn’t even for the US title?!  Oh screw this feud.

Booker T and Maryse check out the wheel.  The Book-man reminds us of all the things we just saw.  Alberto Del Rio comes over and doesn’t want to face the Big Show.  Maryse spins wheels and digs gold.  Its going to be a steel cage match!

Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio. Steel cage match.

No hype for a cage match on a two hour Raw that’s also not in a sweeps month?  I’m predicting nothing substantial takes place tonight.  Del Rio wears down Show’s legs.  Mark Henry comes out in his new role of the giant giant killer.  Mark Henry rips the cage door off its hinges and Del Rio escapes the cage, thus winning the match.  Henry holds the door and runs full force into the giant.  The cage door and the cage wall make a Big Show sandwich.  Show comes crashing down and the wall falls down with him!  Wow, I have never seen a more focused Mark Henry.  I’m ready for him to get a title run right now.  He has never been better in his career.

Kelly Kelly (WWE Divas champion) vs. Nikki Bella (with Brie Bella).  Submission match.

Nikki near immediately locks on an arm bar and that’s about all she does.  Kelly fights out of that and locks on a Boston Crab for the win.  These were the only two moves of the match.  The Bellas attack Kelly and Eve comes out to make the save.  Oh, I’ll bet there’s a tag team match next week!

Rey Mysterio spins the wheel and waits to see the result.  Its a tornado match, which means all four men in a tag team match are in the ring at the same time.  Booker T says, “tell me I didn’t just see that”.  And from off stage comes Diamond Dallas Page.  DDP is in the house!  Drew McIntyre interrupts and he wants some TV time.  (Probably wouldn’t mind a push either.)  Shawn Michaels sneaks in to drop a super kick on Drew.  Shawn on the WCW DVD, “I’ve never seen any of this.  I was working that night.”  Holy shit that’s a great line.

Jack Swagger and The Miz vs. Alex Riley and Rey Mysterio.  Tornado rules.

All four guys are in the ring at the same time and the match has too much action to easily cover.  Even though Swagger is a former World champion I’d say that Riley is far above him on the WWE rankings by now.  Alex will  be wearing gold by the end of the year.  He looks like one and carries himself as one as well.  Wait a minute, did he just leap to the top turnbuckle?  Yeah, remember the guy is still a rookie and thus he has a lot of opportunities to surprise us with something new.  Rey almost beats Miz after a temple kick and Miz almost hits the skull crushing finale.  Swagger dumps Rey out of the ring but Riley surprises him with a spine buster.  Miz hits a reverse DDT on Alex and its still not enough!  Lawler says that Riley has staying power.  Hey, keep it PG out there King!  Rey runs into the ring and right into a big boot from Swagger.  If Jack was more established, that would have resulted in a pinfall.  But he’s not and the match continues.  Jack catches a 619 attempt and hooks an ankle lock.  Riley takes out Miz and Swagger gets thrown off his game.  Alex sneaks in a kick on Jack, Rey hits 619, Alex hits a DDT, Rey comes off the top with a splash.  Its only Jack Swagger!!!  Not Super-Cena!  After all of this, Rey pins Swagger.

R-Truth vs. John Cena (WWE Champion).  Tables match.

There’s no chance that Truth wins this match so I’ll just skip ahead.  Cena sets up a table and is about to put Truth through it when CM Punk runs down and moves the table out of the way.  CM Punk (wearing a Stone Cold shirt) gets chased around the ring by Cena and John forgets there’s a match going on.  Truth meets Cena in the ring with a running spear through a table.  R-Truth wins!  Oh, of course its not for the title.

CM Punk sits on the ramp and gives one of the greatest promos of the last ten years.  Are you reading this column?  Then you already know about it.  This promo may cement CM Punk as one of the all time greats.  My God, its one of the most amazing things I’ve ever watched in wrestling.

Everything he says is right.  CM Punk is the best wrestler today.  Not the best sports entertainer, because that name is against everything he stands for.  Vince McMahon allows for the curtain to be pulled back so few times that it is ground breaking any time it happens.  The WWE’s recent trend of a crazy summer angle has begun.

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