[Editor’s note: Emma is another Twitter find for this site. Her Pink Ink blog is some of the finest writing about comics I’ve ever read. You can also find her over at the Daily Waffle. She is a welcome addition to this site and has so much unlimited potential as a writer even she doesn’t realize it.]
Having previously surprised Kevin with my search stats for my blog Pink Ink Comics, he’s tapped me to share the madness with the world at large. And believe me, it is definitely mad. I write about comics, not fan fiction or any kind of parodies, and yet I get a worrying amount of visitors looking for certain comic details that aren’t exactly canon. Observe.
‘Batman and Robin homo erotic’
Why is this a thing?! I mean, I know it’s been a fan fiction staple for forever and a running joke since the 60’s but come on! I am not a Batman/Robin shipper so there is no logical reason why that would lead to my blog. Weirder still is that the result of this search was a post in which I discuss Damian Wayne as the new Robin. That’s right; Batman’s son. So let’s move on.
So now we’re eschewing all pretence of comic fandom and getting right to the heart of the issue. This person must have been really let down.
Does someone have a penchant for buff garden birds?
I’ve never thought of this before, but now that you mention it ….
‘camel toe flash’
Now, I’m no expert on searches for camel toes on Google, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that if you put those words into Google image search, my blog will be way, way down the list. I’m not going to do it. I’m not a fan of ill-fitting pants. But I’m willing to bet you’d have to purposefully ignore some pretty explicit pictures to get to my blog, only to be disappointed. It boggles the mind.
‘camel toe high jump’
Is this some kind of new Olympic event or something? It sounds painful.
‘Emma Frost camel toe’
No. Just, no.
‘Thundercats homo erotic’
Ah, that’s more like it! Oh, no… wait. I think I’ve lost sight of what I’m doing here.
‘Damian Wayne kitten’
I’m not entirely sure that I’ve ever written the word ‘kitten’ on my blog before. And I’m also not sure what this person was looking for, but I’m intrigued.
‘I want to believe in dinosaurs’
What? I mean … what?? What is this?! Has my site become some kind of rehab for Creationists trying to readjust to society? I suppose there’s nothing like reading about a sociopathic vigilante, or an orphaned alien with a messiah complex to put your own madness into perspective.
In some ways this was a truly alarming experience – does anyone want to just read about comics anymore without it descending into deviancy? I’m sure there’s some kind of complex philosophical conclusion about humanity to be drawn from all of this, but to be honest, I think it boils down to people love smut. And kittens.