The Smarked for Death WWE Monday Night Raw Review 3/12/12.

The weekly review of Monday Night Raw is here!  Tonight was the “Rock Concert” edition of Raw.  Whether it is a success or failure will have to wait, but you don’t have to wait to start reading the review.

The night started with classic old school John Cena.  PLUS.  It has been forever since this edgier version of the WWE’s leader was seen on camera.  Vulgar, clever, agressive: this Cena is everything that the Cena-haters have wanted to see for years.  My current prediction is that Cena will play the heel role at WrestleMania but his character will not turn heel.

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler should have been a better match.  MINUS:  Daniel Bryan and AJ were interviewed during the match.  This is insulting to both wrestlers, and to the fans as well.  Maybe it wasn’t match of the year but that’s no reason to not feature the actual in ring action.  However, speaking of stories outside of the ring, lets give a lot of credit to Vickie Guerrrero.  She has transformed her body and it is an accomplishment to be applauded.

Santino Marella and Aksana vs. David Otunga and……?  MINUS: The match becomes Santino vs. Otunga and Mark Henry.  All of the wrestlers in this overall story are being dragged into the big 12 man match at WrestleMania.  It is a good way to get a lot of guys on the card, but it does nothing to push any of the actual wrestlers involved.  Also, nothing against Aksana but if Santino Marella is going to come down to the ring with a woman, it should be Beth Phoenix.

Also, there was a beating at the end of the match.  Kofi Kingston tried to make the save, and then R-Truth also attempted it.  Both men were beaten down by Henry and Otunga.  Fun fact, there were more African American men in the ring during this altercation than there has been in the entire 30 man field at most Royal Rumbles.

Zack Ryder is getting pussy whipped by Eve, without any of that whip worthy womanhood actually waxing his wang.  Woo woo woo.  Beth Phoenix then interrupts and wants to feel as pretty as Eve, or as Maria Mennudos.  Side story, Beth is now going after Maria.  Or maybe Eve.  Isn’t Beth the Divas champion?  Shouldn’t someone be going after her?  Also, I don’t care how Maria’s name is spelled.  When she actually becomes a wrestlers then I’ll worry about it.

Jinder Mahal vs. Brodus Clay is like a pumpkin.  A big old squash.  Somewhat orange as well.  Brodus is taken off of TV due to a lack of training and comes back to the tube with… one more move?   Try not to hurt anyone Funkasaurus.

Undertaker and Shawn Michaels confrontation. It will be forgotten about in the long run, but this was a necessary stop in the larger story.  Is Hunter telling Shawn the truth?  What is Shawn’s agenda?  Can the Undertaker win?  There is a lot to debate here.  I have my own prediction, but I’ll wait until the Solace Winter PPV picks go up.

The Miz vs. CM Punk and the Miz continues to get buried.  Its a damn shame to see the main event of last year’s WrestleMania get destroyed every week.  He deserves more than he has been getting the last few months.

Chris Jericho’s alcohol promo put money on the table.  The Streak, Cena vs. Rock, and the two championship matches are getting lost in the shuffle.  Until tonight when Chris Jericho put a new evil spin on the story line and thrust these two back into the spotlight.  Punk feels more well rounded, more human, from this addition to his character.  Jericho is one of the few people in all of wrestling I would say are gifted enough to pull this off.  Cant wait to see where their story goes next.

The Law Offices of David Otunga, is the funniest thing WWE has done in years.  I want a new commercial every week.

Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger happened.  Jack got buried, which retroactively makes the US title look worse.  Orton got scared of Kane’s fire and music but… no Kane.  From top to bottom a lame and lazy segment.  Wait until Smackdown when you have more time.  Or better yet, don’t film whatever crazy fires from hell idea was next.

The Rock Concert.

Well this was horrendous.  Its like watching Uncle Kracker and Everlast.  After they pissed through all of their money.  No skill, no originality, and chances are someone taught him 3 chords very quickly before the Rock had to take the stage.  Worst of all, he was looking at his promo on cheat sheats!  Written on his wrist!  In black marker!  Camera side!  Worst of all, Cena didn’t come out to confront the Rock.  What good is having both men in the same arena at the same time and not having them confront each other?  Rock is killing this feud, and all of the excitement that was built up around it.


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