Smarked for Death Wrestling Review – TNA Impact 3/29/12.

 

Once again we are going YouTube only.  Let TNA tell me what’s important.  It also takes less than two hours to watch.

“Bobby Roode enlists Orlando’s finest”

Well that’s better than enlisting Orlando Jordan.  This looks to be the longest clip of the show.  Which must mean rambling promos = ratings.  Roode mentions Storm’s catchphrase so many times its like the audience has never seen him before.  “Sorry about your damn luck”  Sorry.  Sorry.  Luck. Luck.  Damn. So then when Storm’s music hits the crowd they’re talking down to pops.  Ooohhhh it must be the sorry luck gentleman he’s been speaking of!

Storm cuts a short but great promo.  He is the new redneck hero of wrestling, and that’s a character that should always be represented. Dusty Rhodes, Stone Cold, etc.  Storm makes a match and hopefully it comes up in this week’s YouTube queue.

Mr Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy.

I certainly wasn’t expecting a good match here but what the hell TNA? You have two former world champions in the ring, a third interferes (Angle) and its not worth more than a minute of time?  I don’t want to see more than a minute of Hardy but still.  Everyone looks weak.  Hardy is easily taken out, Angle has to cheat to win, Anderson cant pick up a win without outside interference.  Poor.

Austin Aries Wants Another Shot Against Bully Ray.

You know what I want?  I want the X Division to be the fucking X Division.  I don’t want to see these feuds that tear it down.  Nor should the X champion be feuding with anyone outside of the  X Division.  Feud after you drop the belt.  And what happened with your issues against Zema Ion?  Gah!  I’m really having a problem with all of this right now.

Austin Aries and James Storm vs. Bully Ray and Bobby Roode.

Here we go!  Character development, story line progression, build ups, this had it all.  Well done!  Aries being built up into a main event level talent.  Yes, I like this idea.  I don’t like it at the expense of the X Division but on its own, fantastic.  Roode accidently spits beer in Ray’s eyes and then bails, making Roode that much more of an asshole.  Storm picks up another win and is looking more like a world champion every week.  Good show here.

Crimson vs. Matt Morgan.

Remember new wrestling fans.  Eventually all tag teams have to feud.  The two men fight outside for too long and its a double count out.  If only there was some structure that could contain them.  Oh!  And maybe a pay per view themed around such a structure.  Even better, if it would take place next month!  Nah, that would never happen.

Hulk Hogan Becomes the New GM of Impact.

Oh what the fuck ever.  Eventually he’ll turn heel and Sting will have to put him down.  Step aside Hogan!  You don’t still got it.  In fact you have less and less of it everytime you go out to the ring.  And of course, because its an all talk segment the YouTube video is long.  No X Division match listed this week.  But lets have the Hulkster talk!  And if Hulk is now in charge of TNA, and Sting was before, then what the hell is Bischoff doing?  Is he the GM of pushing his kid around?  Logic falls away.

All the faces come out and apparently they’re all for Hogan.  Hogan says Impact is in deep.  What in the hell?!  You’re flat out saying the company is in trouble?  The moment you say you’re not as good you are not as good.  Perception equals reality.   Say you’re number one.  Say you’re the biggest wrestling company in the world.  Fudge the facts.  Don’t say the water is deep.  You sound second rate.

EY Enlists a wedding planner.

dot dot dot, “with big hooters”.  Ground breaking work here wrestling fans.  The girl has boobs.  And ODB is jealous of the boobs.  Oh and there are boob jokes.  And boobs.  I didn’t even know TNA had a talentless Divas search.  Putting the TNA in…um… TNA!

An Offer Garrett Bischoff Cant Refuse.

Oh fuck this!  MORE talking?!  Just to put over Eric’s kid?  Done!

Dixie Carter Attempts to …..

What the hell?!  I wanted to watch some wrestling today.

James Storm music video.

Am I watching the Rock and Wrestling era again?  This is like Tuesday Night Titans.  But you know, without any of the talent humor or innovation that that classic WWF show had.

Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne.

Oh please be good.  This is the last video to watch.  Make it worth it TNA!

And we’ll never know.  Only the last minute of this match is shown, which Velvet wins.  She then cuts a promo and wants a rematch with Gail.  So I guess Madison’s push is over for now.

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