Avengers vs. X-Men #4 Review.

Who loves filler episodes?!

Here’s what happens.  Hope finds Wolverine in the Antarctic.  He has killed a polar bear and is using it for warmth.  Thus all six seasons of Lost are explained.  We see quick clips of the five smaller battles going on and… none of them matter.  The entire point is to find Hope, and she’s not at any of the places.  Then, sensing failure, the plot turns to finding Captain America so he can tell mind reader Emma Frost where Hope is.  Its much like going to another country to find weapons, finding no weapons, and changing the mission mid game.  This is about finding Hope!  “Hope isn’t here.”  This is about finding Captain America and reading his mind!  All of these mini battles to find Hope don’t matter.  Also, if the (new) point is to read Cap’s mind that could have been done from ANYWHERE!  These five mini fights didn’t have to take place.  Emma Frost could have read Cap’s mind while he was on the john.

Yes, these are comics and I am supposed to enjoy the fights and all.  But when the plot is to be, these people are fighting to find Hope, then I expect the story to follow through with that idea.  And it doesn’t.  Where is Hope?

She’s on the moon.  Because no one notices that AIM has launched a huge fucking rocket.

Iron Man: “Hey Cap, my breaking news alerts are telling me that AIM has launched a massive rocket.  Maybe we should stop that.  It is AIM after all.  Probably no good will come of that.”

Captain America:  “Meh.  I’m sure its fine.  I’m too busy fighting other good guys because we cant talk shit out.”

Yes, Wolverine is piloting the rocket.  I guess.  Its not really made clear who is controlling it.  But lets say Wolverine.  And lets say he has some SHIELD clearance that allowed this enormous rocket to take off and land on the moon 9 hours later without anyone giving a shit.

No Winter Guard, Big Hero 6, Fantastic Four, Alpha Flight.  No one stops or questions a giant AIM rocket taking off while two of the most powerful groups of beings on the universe are fighting across the planet.  Not that they fight the whole time.  Because apparently during the 9 hour rocket ride there is plenty of time for all of these heroes (both sides) to leave the far corners of the Earth, come back together, and find their own means of transportation to the fucking moon.  The Avengers show up well in advance.  And apparently parked their Quinjet or whatever behind a giant moon rock because that’s the only possible way that neither Wolverine nor Hope knew they were already there.  Then the X-Men show up using one of Doctor Doom’s time platforms.

So then the powerful members of both teams also end up on the moon to stop Hope.  Then the Phoenix shows up.  And that’s it.

The fights don’t matter and the plot holes are big enough to drive an AIM rocket through.  It is the definition of filler.

Much like the mystical and ancient honey badger, I, Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme!… don’t care.

Big thanks to Greg Pak for suggesting that image.

And, speaking of Greg Pak, there’s a guy that can write a slug fest with meaning.  Planet Hulk, World War Hulk… both had long fights, heroes against other heroes, and it made sense!  Characters had reasons and motivations.  This wasn’t something that could be discussed. It was fight for revenge or fight to survive.

Are British comics, much like their TV shows, produced in shorter arcs?  Because if so I would like an English AVX at about half the length.

(Dr Strange panel found at comicsalliance.com and the Ask Chris column.)

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