Tomorrow Marvel will announce one of their biggest attention grabbers, I mean groundbreaking stories, in the history of the comic book company. They will take to the mecca of comic book and geeky journalism – The View.
Not G4, AOTS, Big Bang Theory, Community, Fringe, SyFy, Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, Howard Stern, Rachel Madow, Craig Ferguson, Nerdist.
Honestly I could go on and on listing geeky shows. I could go even further listing shows that are geekier than the View. Shows like Real Housewives of Who Cares.
“But,” you say “the point is to get a crossover and have make new comic book fans!”
Yes. And I would love that. But this is the View. That isn’t what happens.
Let me look into the future and share with you this transcript of tomorrow’s show!
Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sherri Shepherd
Sherri Shepherd: Welcome to the View. Our guest today works for Marvel Comics and is here to make a major announcement. Welcome to the show Ryan, better known as Agentm.
@Agent_M: Um, that’s Agent M. But, (being incredibly nice and gracious) thank you for having me on this show so I can tell the world about this exciting piece of news from Marvel Comics.
Sherri: I love Marvel Comics. I remember growing up reading your titles. When I was a little girl I had a stack of comics from Marvel. I’d stay up all night reading about Superman and Archie and the Peanuts gang.
Agent M: Um, again thank you. None of those are Marvel Comics though. See, there are many comic book companies. At Marvel we have such titles like Spider-Man and the characters from the number one movie in the country, the Avengers. And also the characters I’m here to talk about today, the X-Men.
Joy Behar: The ex-men? So they’re all a bunch of women who used to be men? Is Raven Symone dating one of them?
Agent M: No. They are the X-MEN. They were born with exceptional, or extra powers. And some of them are women as well. But what I’m here to talk about today are two of the men in the book.
Whoopi: Now why don’t you call them the X-People? Isn’t a little bit sexist in this day and age to refer to an entire team, especially one with women on it as well, as MEN?
Agent M: I see your point, but the X-Men have always been about inclusion of everyone. While they are called “men” it is more a reference to mankind then to a character’s sex. We have other mutant teams with less gender specific names like X-Force, X-Factor, Alpha Flight, New Mutants. But if I could talk about what we have planned for Astonishing X-Men.
Elisabeth: I know what your point is going to be and let me tell you what you’re doing wrong here. You’re spotlighting a character called Northstar. A Canadian! What do you have against American super heroes? Those Canadian, what did you call them – mutants, coming down here and taking super hero jobs away from good Americans!
Agent M: OK…. not the problem I was expecting you to have. The X-Men are worldwide. The mutant gene within the Marvel Universe isn’t isolated to the United States. The X-Men have included characters from all over the world. Many aliens as well.
Elisabeth: The X-Men support illegal immigration?!
Agent M: Not the kind of aliens I meant. I was referring to other planets. So, if we could get to our announcement of what will happen in Astonishing X-Men please?
Barbara: You know. I used to fuck Stan Lee. He turned to me one night after our third round of passionate love making and said, “Babs. I’m going to make you a famous comic book character!” And that is how I became the inspiration for the Invisible Girl.
Agent M: That… that’s never come up at the Marvel offices. Sounds like a deleted line from Mallrats. But anyways, let me tell you all about Northstar and what takes place in the newest issue of Astonishing X-Men.
Whoopi: Oh I’m sorry Mr M but it looks like we’re out of time. You can go buy X-Men books on the magazine rack of your local super market or at all Borders book stores.
Agent M: No! That’s so wrong! Let me tell you about the comic! You don’t even know where to buy them! Go to www. mar….
(Mic cuts off.)