The Smarked for Death Wrestling Review for WWE Raw 5/28/12.


Its the Memorial Day edition of Monday Night Raw.  I may have said this on Martin Luther King Day as well.  Say what you will about Vince McMahon, but he always shows these openings to celebrate the true reasons for holidays and memorials.  He doesn’t have to, and most groups don’t.

Hey everyone, lets remember what happened on the John and Johnny show last week.  This is apparently the most important story in WWE right now.  Not the WWE title, World title, secondary belts, tag team, womens or the ongoing Brock Lesnar story.  Nope.  The boss that no one gives a shit about.  The man who has X-Pac heat to such a high level it should be called Johnny-Pac heat now.  Lets make sure we spend way too much time on this story.

Big Show comes out and Raw is finally started.  Kind of.  Is it just me, or did WWE adjust Show’s music a bit for this heel run?  Sounds like a bit more aggressive guitar work.

I’m trying to not hate this story.  I am really really trying.  Show says he faked his smiles.  Then complains that no one came to help him while he way crying in the ring and getting fired.  Then Show directs his anger towards Kofi, Truth, and Brodus Clay for dancing right after he was fired.  And even more clips of the John and Johnny show.  Wow.  I must have fallen asleep or something two weeks ago, because I do not remember the “loser” bit.

Yes Big Show you are a joke.  This whole angle is a joke.  There is no reason a 7 foot tall, 500 pound multi time world champion multi millionaire should be crying like a bitch.  I am willing to accept a lot in wrestling.  Hell, CHIKARA is the most outrageous and out there stories ever.  But this, this whining crying monster is just unbelievable to me.

There’s always one story I hate.

Santino is working out backstage.  Its already better than Big Show.  Its also already a better love story than Twilight.

Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Santino Marella (US champ).

Is Alberto going to get the US title in hopes of finally getting him over?  Oh wait, he’s #1 contender.  Sorry.  Memorial Day weekend caused me to miss Smackdown.  And in the time it took me to write that the match is over.  Damn fast.  Del Rio locks up Santino’s arm and the Cobra tried to fight back.  Literally, the Cobra did.  No luck though and Santino taps out.

Now at least there is some logic.  Sure, Del Rio won and in theory should get a US title shot.  But he’s always been about the big titles.  He might see it as an insult to take the US title.

Alex Riley hits on Eve.  Big Show arrives.  Alex Riley gets introduced to a cinder block wall.  Now THAT is how you make someone look tough and strong.

Kofi Kingston and R-Truth (WWE Tag Team Champions) vs. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger (with Vickie Guerrero).

If fans are still making their own mix tapes of wrestling (or a mix disc at this point) and are still able to avoid WWE lawyers noticing what they’re doing.  You know, like way back in the tape trading days.  Anyways, if anyone is still doing that I would LOVE to see a set of every time Kofi Kingston and Dolph Ziggler were in a match together.

Technically, Kofi is the only man in this match who isn’t a former world champion.  No reason to note that, just a thought.

The longer these two men team the better and better Kofi and Truth get.  Their team work is becoming incredible.  If they’re still teaming up by the end of the year, they’re a lock for tag team of the year.  Truth hits the Lie Detector on Swagger for the pin.

Dolph Jack and Vickie are all upset over the loss.  Dolph leaves his teammates.  A Dolph vs. Swagger feud could be interesting.  And maybe become that thing that Jack needs to get over.

Big Show is attacking people backstage because they didn’t also cry when he was fired.  He focuses on Santino.  Who is saved by… Brodus Clay?!  Well this could be interesting.  And its a pretty good promo by Brodus!  Could there be some talent hidden within the Funkasaurus gimmick?

Johnny, Eve and David all come out.  Steel Cage match at No Way Out.  Well, that’s cool.  Ace starts to put himself over.  I’m going to zone out for a bit right now.  Oh thank God, here comes CM Punk.  Punk reveals the actual cover for WWE ’13 – and its him.  Damn its a cool game cover.  I haven’t bought the previous games but this one is real tempting.  Any cool exclusiver versions out there?  Maybe with a DVD or shirt or anything?

Anyone else sing “Kill the Wabbit” when Daniel Bryan comes out?

CM Punk (WWE champion) vs. Daniel Bryan.

Its a great match and I was enjoying paying attention to it.  The submission battle.  Both men working over the arms and legs.  Not only how they each lock on moves, but how they sell them as well.  Its very easy to make a submission boring, but each man has so many little ticks and tricks to captivate the audience on every move.  Speaking of captivating tricks, here comes AJ.

No, I kid in calling her a trick.  She is a fellow mark and I am a fan.  However, in this story she is one crazy bitch.  Her expressions are killer for this role.  Best of all, none of this takes away from the match!  Both men are still going just as hard.  AJ is into the match as well.

Punk and Bryan continue to have a good match.  Daniel sets up and executes a devastating super-plex.  D-Bryan takes off the turnbuckle pad and AJ tries to help by notifying the referee.  Everything goes to shit and backfires from here, ending with Punk going into the turnbuckle pad and getting the win.  Bryan has pinned the champ.  This is getting good.

Charles Robinson scurries out of the ring – why?  OH!  Kane has arrived and is asssaulting Bryan with a chair.  He turns the chair to Punk, but AJ slides a chair in for CM Punk and the champ is able to fight off the monster!  Oh this is good!  Within two minutes Punk hates AJ for her interference and then loves her for it.  Bryan gets a pin, Kane is in the WWE title picture.  This is a great story arc.

Crazy prediction – AJ ends up with Kane.

The announcers quickly and somewhat vaguely address Chris Jericho not being around right now.  Whether its a worked shoot, or for real, either way this all seems shitty for Jericho.

Christian (Intercontinental champion) vs. The Miz.

Cody Rhodes joins for commentary.  Miz could really use a secondary title run to build himself back up again.  Cody compares classic and contemporary.  Damn that was a good line.  Pretty good match with Miz and Christian.  But you know all along something is going to happen.  Miz picks up some two counts.  Including one more when Cody distracts Christian.  Christian doubles up the Killswitch with a splash for the pin.  Good showing.  And I love that Captain Charisma kept the belt on a white strap.  Helps it to stand out from the other titles.

Ace, David, and Eve all talk.  Teddy Long cameo.  Otunga says he’s good on coffee.  That was pretty damn funny.  I can only hope an Otunga action figure comes with thermos.  Matches made, but really just a time waster.

Miz is still in the ring, and is complaining about everything.  He wants respect for helping Team Johnny win at ‘Mania.  He wants a title shot, and more.  Randy Orton comes out and in two seconds hits an RKO on Miz.  That’s it?  Really, who the hell did Miz piss off?  He has NOTHING right now.  While Orton is still on camera, Dolph and Vickie are watching from backstage.  Dolph wants to go solo and wants to be “out there”.  So do we have an Orton vs. Dolph feud next?  Well, that would make me care about Randy again.

I get John Cena as the All American patriot and go USA and its Memorial Day.  I get it.  But I feel there has to be someone in WWE that could give a patriotic speech (or voice over) that would sound more genuine.  Road Dogg fought in Iraq.  Sgt Slaughter is still around.  Randy Or….ok maybe not him.  But there must be someone on the roster that did a tour for his country and can be pushed forward as a patriot.

David Otunga  vs. Sheamus (World champion).

Otunga just comes out to get destroyed.  Here I thought he was on his way up, but he gets in nothing during the match.  Sheamus not only hits White Noise but also the Brogue Kick.  Its a massacre out here.  Good way to put over Sheamus though.

Brodus Clay and his dancers come out for the match.  Show says some shit and the match doesn’t even start because Show destroys Clay.  The dancers are crying in the ring, probably hoping Melina or Alicia Fox – great wrestlers like that – come out to help.  Big Show really does just beat the ever lovin’ shit out of Brodus.

Kofi and Truth try to come out to help, but Show takes them out and focuses his attack back on Brodus without missing a beat.  Its a massacre.  He took out the tag champs and a brand new monster.  Big Show looks dominant again.  Hopefully he doesn’t waste valuable air time next week talking about crying.

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