#HashtagHorror The Caller

REGALSAYS: Is it just the standard response from every movie exec when they hear the pitch ‘creepy caller chiller’ they think it’s the next Scream? This movie is hope for even the shittiest screenwriter and in Luis Guzmans case… You’ll always get a paycheck if one of these piece of SHIT movies gets green lighted.

 

I wish I could remember who recommended this movie to me, because that person needs to be strapped to a chair and forced to watch this movie about eight times in a row. This movie was awful. Awful. No redeeming qualities other than the dog.

 

@JoeBewick OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!#HashtagHorror

@FamousPlewa #HashtagHorror Tonight we review The Caller. And this ain’t no Carly Rae waiting for that someone to call her maybe.

@Jasmine_Galan And we begin with creepy music. #HashtagHorror

@TheSupremeForce#HASHTAGHORROR Are we there yet?

@JoeBewick IS THAT A CANNABIS PLANT YOUNG LADY?! #HashtagHorror

@MrsZigglesworth Can I help you with that.. so I can assault you later? #HashtagHorror

@JoeBewick Hey that’s that guy from Yes Man! #HashtagHorror

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Is this Maude Flanders?

@Jasmine_Galan Well she wasn’t happy that Bobby wasn’t there. She just hung up#Rude #HashtagHorror

@JoeBewick I WANT THE DOG! LET ME KEEP THE DOG! #HashtagHorror

@MrsZigglesworth A rotary phone? What is this? 1950? #HashtagHorror

@MrsZigglesworth Vampire Beel! #HashtagHorror

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Bill Compton! Now where’s Soo-keh?

 

15 minutes in and the most exciting thing is the sort of love story going on between Bill and Victoria, or whatever their names are in this movie. They will always be those vampires to me.

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror A Mexican… Tending to the gardens… They really broke the stereotype when they made this didn’t they?

@TheSupremeForce #HASHTAGHORROR I hate getting calls from the past. People from the future also suck.

@TheSupremeForce Compulsive disorder. RT @JoeBewick: I’m not being funny, but WHY THE FUCK IS SHE PICKING UP THE FUCKING PHONE?#HashtagHorror

@Jasmine_Galan She drew a rose….Original much? #HashtagHorror

@JoeBewick I’m half expecting her to say ‘I have received a telegram from the anonymous general manager’ every time that phone rings…#HashtagHorror

@MrsZigglesworth Did anything happen in the last 5 minutes? I was off whooping children. #HashtagHorror

@TheSupremeForce#HASHTAGHORROR The most exciting part of this movie has been the boring court scene.

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Now we have two mysteries to solve. Who is the old lady calling and WHAT did Luis Guzman have for breakfast?

@MrsZigglesworth I’ll call you and give you some friendly advice. OOOH, SCARY!#HashtagHorror

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Sexist bitch. Go make me a sandwich!

@TheSupremeForce#HASHTAGHORROR The dog is as forgotten as the Anonymous Raw GM.

@MrsZigglesworth A cell phone could solve all your problems. #HashtagHorror

 

We are 30 minutes into the movie and this is where we discover that most of this movie is nothing more than shots of Rachel’s face. Unfortunately she’s not that great of an actress so the shots aren’t that great.

@FamousPlewa #HashtagHorror I’m expecting Santino Marella as the cook in this diner to complete the Italian stereotypes.

@JoeBewick OK, where is the doggie? This is just building my hopes up and them crushing them. #HashtagHorror

@TheSupremeForce#HASHTAGHORROR She really does deserve to die horribly.

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror It’s movies like these we like to bash but this is too boring to bash.

@Jasmine_Galan Ahhh the dog appeared! Best actor in the movie! #HashtagHorror

@JoeBewick DOGGGGGIEEEEEEEE! #HashtagHorror

@Jasmine_Galan She greets her mom the same way I greet mine! #HashtagHorror

@JoeBewick If that doggie dies I am going to rage like no fucking tomorrow#HashtagHorror – The dog didn’t die

@JoeBewick This film still has 50 minutes left…  #HashtagHorror

@Jasmine_Galan O_O He’s a Trekkie??? #HashtagHorror

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror We need Scott Steiner describing this time theory.

 

Once again reminded that this would have been better if it had somehow just been a Lake House like romantic story. At least then the doomed romance would have been interesting. Maybe. I don’t know, anything would be more interesting than this has been. Oh, we are at 45 minutes at this point.

@JoeBewick I may pass the time by doing improvisational stand up comedy.#HashtagHorror

@TheSupremeForce#HASHTAGHORROR the court scene was still the best part of this movie.

@TheSupremeForce#HASHTAGHORROR The dick ex-husband is the only character with an actual personality in this movie.

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror I swear if it was THIS easy to write a movie script this bad and get it made then I’m gonna start writing movie scripts.

@JoeBewick I SWEAR DOWN, IF THAT DOGGIE GETS KILLED, SOMEONE’S GETTING PUNCHED. #HashtagHorror

@TheSupremeForce#HASHTAGHORROR The wrong vampires are in this movie. Where’s HHH?

@MrsZigglesworth You’re fucked up in the head, lady. #HashtagHorror

@Jasmine_Galan Is anyone else as confused as I am? #HashtagHorror

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Luis Guzman. Gardener extraordinaire. Does not know why daisies are called daisies.

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror The makers of The Lake House should be pissed.

@MrsZigglesworth Wow. Called it. A finger? Too bad we’re not making predictions on this movie. #HashtagHorror

@JoeBewick OK I’m refocusing my energy on wanting to knee someone in the face for the time being, whilst watching this shit heap #HashtagHorror

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Now we will never find out what Luis Guzman had for breakfast.

 

We are an hour into the movie and the gardener is dead. Boo. Interesting characters keep dying while she survives…

@Jasmine_Galan AHH! His motives are revealed! Naughty boy! #HashtagHorror

@JoeBewick I’m now going to tweet pictures of doggies I want: #HashtagHorror

@MrsZigglesworth SOOKEH IS MINE! #VampireBeel #HashtagHorror

@Jasmine_Galan And the mandatory horror movie sex scene. Didn’t see that one coming #HashtagHorror

@JoeBewick ‘You’re insane!’ ‘I’m not’ ‘Let’s fuck!’ ‘OK!’ #HashtagHorror

@Jasmine_Galan What is with all of the cutoff shorts in this movie? #HashtagHorror

@MrsZigglesworth The dog is named Dexter. How ironic for a horror film.#HashtagHorror

@TheSupremeForce#HASHTAGHORROR The Last Dragon was scarier than this. Ask Matt Striker.

@MrsZigglesworth He’s dead. Shocking. #HashtagHorror

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Well… Who saw that coming.

@TheSupremeForce#HASHTAGHORROR Even the angel is face palming at this movie.

@reedracer I puke on your grave. #HashtagHorror

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror BITCH GET OUT DA ROOM! Those gremlin fuckers who killed Katie Holmes live in the walls!

@reedracer One of them is the real Kaiser Soze! #HashtagHorror

@Jasmine_Galan Oh no don’t call the police. I mean there’s only 4 corpses in your pantry. #HashtagHorror

@JoeBewick I call bullshit. #HashtagHorror

@FamousPlewa #HashtagHorror I’d be on the phone to whoever was responsible for my well being and ask why they let me get kidnapped.

@Jasmine_Galan I just got burned by something scalding hot. I think I’ll boil some water#HashtagHorror

@JoeBewick That Deal Or No Deal phone is pissing me off now… #HashtagHorror

 

We’ve reached the final stretch, only 10 minutes to go, and we are all quite anxious for it to end. No, not because we want to see what happened, but so we can go watch the grass grow outside because that’s more entertaining.

@TheSupremeForce#HASHTAGHORROR I can’t even try to be clever anymore.

@JoeBewick Holy shit. Can I talk to someone when this has finished? Because this has had a profound negative effect on my psyche #HashtagHorror

@MrsZigglesworth Everyone you know is dead. WHY would you continue to pick up the phone? #HashtagHorror

@Jasmine_Galan I got hit on the head so my legs don’t work. Seems legit! #HashtagHorror

@JoeBewick I would mark if the killer was the doggy. #HashtagHorror

@MrsZigglesworth “I swear to Jeebus I’ll start drinking.” #CMPunk #HashtagHorror

@MrsZigglesworth Blading action even Ric Flair would be proud of. #HashtagHorror

@FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Whoever suggested this movie is gonna get some serious phone calls… From like three weeks ago to save us from this.

@JoeBewick This total horseshit has left me with the inability to be remotely sarcastic about this abomination of a movie. #HashtagHorror

@TheSupremeForce#HASHTAGHORROR That’s on my short list for worst movie ever.

@Jasmine_Galan Rose was a bad influence #HashtagHorror

@reedracer Just another brick in the wall #HashtagHorror

 

And the movie ends with the main character putting her ex-husband in the bricked up area in her apartment where she found the dead bodies. What the Hell?

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