True Blood Review. Season 5, Episode 3

“Whatever I am, You made Me”


I have to admit, the episode from last night was a little “ho-hum”.  I know story needs to be built, but COME ON.  I get it.  Tara is a damaged Vampire. Bill and Eric need to do stuff to avoid the “true death” (do we really care what it is?  Blah, can’t we all just get along, blah blah, religion, blah, blah), Terry has PTSD, Lafaytte is messed up, Alicide found out about Debbie, Sookie isn’t really doing much at all, and Sam helps Tara by giving her True Blood and putting her in the freezer.

And the WTF moment of this episode.  Jason and his creepy cat loving teacher.  And this is a cat lady calling this crazy cat lady well…crazy.  She’s quintessential weirdo, with floral patterned couches, doilies,  and a cat (who I think is obviously a person….ex husband?  Jason’s kid?).  All we know is that she took his virginity, and then they had the most awkward sex ever recorded on TV.  And then Jason, bless him, has a moment, and says no to sex with Jessica and would rather talk….  Umm, Jason, we don’t pay you to talk, sweetie.  Please, remove your pants and no one gets hurt.  Fine, I suppose he’s allowed a little self reflection and personal growth.  As long as we get to see his butt.

Oh yes, and Bill and Eric both screw the same woman.  Right after another.  Slight ick factor, here.  Bill “A Gentleman doesn’t brag about sloppy seconds” (after he an Eric, and then Stabler, screw the same woman.  Bill first, Stabler last.  Damn….)

So what was good about this week’s episode?  PAM!  The story of PAM!  It was so interesting me to see Pam as human, to see her first encounters with Eric, Bill, and Lorena (booo, bitch).  I enjoyed seeing “baby” vampire Bill. Most of all, the best part of this episode was to see Pam essentially commit suicide.  She is nothing if not practical, knowing what her life will be if she grows old.  She doesn’t do it out of vanity, “Love”, or any other such nonsense (Fuck you Bella Swan), but out of practicality.  I am interested to see how this ties with Tara, since Eric mentiones how difficult it can be to be a “maker”.  This is the one really good story line that True Blood has going for it at this moment.

A few shining moments?  Well, for one, Eric and Bill on their knees….and shirtless!  Wait, what the hell, that’s Tina Marjorino!!!!!  YESS!  And her first quote “Don’t fuck around, you guys are too cute to be goo…”  Instant classic!  Steve Newlan is the new Nan Flanigan.  Uhhh OK.  He still looks like Kurt from Glee’s older brother.  Andy’s ass is plastered ALL OVER FACEBOOK.  HA!  Betcha that one bit you in the ass, literally!  Stabler (or whatever his True Blood name is) has MUSCLES.  Damn!

And the Pam Quotes of the Week:

Pam ”You haven’t done shit for me, Tinkerbell!” to Sookie’

Pam ”What are you looking at?!  Get back to dry humping and ordering my over-priced drinks or get the fuck out”

Can we just get a Pam spin-off?

Let’s step it True Blood, I’m waiting……and waiting…………………WAITING FOR RUSSELL EDGINGTON!!!!!!!!!!!!

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