The Smarked for Death Wrestling Review for WWE Friday Night Smackdown 8/24/12.

 

Oh sure it only took me until right before this week’s episode to get around to watching Smackdown.  But just shy of a week is fine right? Hopefully because if it isn’t then that could mean I have wasted all of this time.

Lets get to this review so you can stop reading the intro.

As with our recent Raw reviews, Solace Winter has provided the times for each match and segment.  These will be inserted into the article and commented upon.

The build up to a triple threat, if not a fatal four way at Night of Champions continues.  Randy Orton, Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio argue over the world title.  Booker T comes out and makes a number one contender match.  I expect controversy that can only be ended with a multiple challenger title match.

Every match tonight will have a different WWE employee join Michael Cole for commentary.  Somehow, neither Matt Striker nor William Regal come out for one of these matches.  Now that is just a bunch of crap!

Raw Recap – 0:33

Mathews Recap – 0:13

Ryback/Jinder recap – 0:30

Just remember that the recap of a Ryback feud is 30 seconds long.

Teddy Long joins the announce table.  What?!  Is there no tag team match tonight?!

Ryback vs. Jinder Mahal.

The Ryback needs to be fed.  Preferably after midnight.  Sure we all know Ryback will win the match.  However Jinder gets in a lot of good offense.  There’s even a classic camel clutch!  Much of the internet wrestling community passed around a rumor that WWE was high on Jinder and his work in this match really answers the question of why.  Ryback came from behind and used all of his power moves.  Granted, I’m watching this out of order, but he did much better work here than he did against Swagger on Monday.  (Or in the future Monday!  Seriously, if I keep watching these out of order its going to make the reviews read like Doctor Who.)  Can anyone satisfy Ryback’s appetite?!

Ryback vs. Jinder Mahal – 2:47
Ryback wins.

An under 3 minute match.  For a feud that was apparently worthy of a recap video.  Ryback is such a strange beast.  He’s supposed to be similar to previous wrestlers, yet his own gimmick too.  Then he becomes neither.  I’d love to see Jinder get more time just so I can have a more informed opinion of his skills.  Honestly, if I were going to a house show anytime soon Jinder would be on my short list of people I want to watch closely.

Layla vs Alicia Fox.

Kaitlyn joins for commentary.

There are two ways to mess with the fans.  We can either be confused so much we stop caring.  Or the confusion can take the form of excitement to find out what happens next.  Thankfully, this new Divas story is the latter.  Nothing makes a damn bit of sense and I can’t wait to find out what every girl is doing what she’s doing.  Kaitlyn had a slow start on the headset but once she got warmed up she did a fine job.  The only way to improve that is to have her on it more and more.  She wont get better on the mic if you don’t let her talk.  Then there is what’s happening in the ring.  Natalya is of course wonderful.  She’s a Hart through and through and I have a special spot for her skills.  That came out wrong.  She’s good!  Layla looked her best since coming back.  I don’t know if it was thanks to her being in the ring with a talent of Natalya’s caliber or if its all Layla.  Either way a very enjoyable match.  Eve comes out at the end and my confusion continues.  For one, I’m not sure if Eve is supposed to look like a confident bitch business woman, or a confused librarian.  The dress and glasses could go either way.  Then Eve raises up the arms of both Layla (oh yeah, she won BTW.  In case you thought a title change happened here, you’re wrong) and Kaitlyn.  No idea where this one is going.  Triple threat for the Divas title?  On Night of Champions?  Its been awhile since the women got something different on a pay per view.  And got to keep their clothes on.

Alicia Fox vs. Layla – 2:06
Layla wins.

This one shocks me.  There was a LOT packed into only two minutes.  Instead of being disappointed that the match was so short I’m actually very happy for both women.  They fit a lot of action and a pretty good Divas match into that tight amount of time.  Much like Jinder, if they can do this well in two minutes imagine what they could do with 5 or 10.

Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero talk.  Sheamus comes in and throws a punk card down at Zig’s feet.  Hey, if you’re so great why don’t you cash in tonight.  A heel should always “show your ass” and Dolph looked enough like the fool to get over this story without him looking like he doesn’t deserve a World title.

Sin Cara vs. Heath Slater.

Cody Rhodes is at the announce table for this match.

Not too bad, but its one of those matches where you know right away the point is not to wrestle.  The point is to get to a certain point where the plot can be furthered, and then that has to happen.  Heath is pretty good here.  Those battles against the Legends have only helped him.  Sure he’s currently a comedy act.  But so is Santino and he is one of the most decorated champions in WWE today.  Heath is already a, what?, 3 or 4 time tag team champion?  I wouldn’t expect to ever see Sin Cara near a title.

Cody gets up from the announce table and grabs Sin Cara’s mask.  Everyone is expecting Rhodes to remove the mask, but no.  Instead he turns it around thus blinding Sin Cara.  Slater gets the win over his visually impaired opponent.  Absolutely brilliant.  As long as this doesn’t end with Cody and Sin Cara reenacting the “classic” Jake the Snake Roberts vs Rick the Model Martel Blindfold match, I’m actually all for a bout between these two men.

Sin Cara vs. Heath Slater – 2:34
Slater won.

Probably the perfect amount of time for a comedy match.  I might be willing to go as far as four minutes.  Really, when its a lighter match there is no need to be out there for an Iron Man amount of ring time.

Sheamus (World champion) vs. Dolph Ziggler.  Vickie Guerrero is the guest commentator for this match.

The match was starting to get good until brought to a sudden halt.  Dolph has had all kinds of matches, with every possible outcome lately.  I suspect it is all to groom him for the inevitable World title run.  He is ready for it.  Has been for awhile too.  Dolph takes out Sheamus with the MITB briefcase and thus gets disqualified.  But just because he is DQed from this match, doesn’t mean he cant start another one right now and maybe cash in that case too.  It almost happens but Sheamus comes back from the attack a bit too strong to be easily defeated.

Whenever this title change happens its going to be huge.

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler – 5:01
Ziggler strikes Sheamus with the case.

This was only 5?!  You know, this is why I love Solace for sending me these times.  I have a new appreciation for what can be done in the ring in a limited amount of time.  To fit a good match like this into that short of time really shows the craftsmanship of these worthy main eventers.

Santino comes out and says since losing the US title he feels less American.  Damn he is far far too good a comedian.  Santino talks to his Cobra which is quite funny but came dangerously close to running too long and losing the audience.  Antonio Cesaro and Aksana come out.  The Cobra is distracted by Aksana and that gives Antonio the chance to fight back.  Which he does.  I’ve been a fan of Claudio for years and its wonderful to see him in WWE and with a title.  I just want more for his character.  More matches, more promos, and Ohno more!

Titus O’Neil and Darren Young join Michael Cole for this match.

Epico and Primo with Rosa Mendes vs. R-Truth and Kofi Kingston with the tag team titles!  And Lil Jimmy!

Holy crap the tag team champions are actually in a tag team match!  Its crazy!  Its like a blind squirrel finding an acorn.  We have plenty of singles matches.  Just give me some tag team ones.  Especially when there are more teams than in any recent time.  Truth gets the pin in this one.  But the real winners are Titus and Darren.  Awesome mic work by both men.  AW’s release might be the best thing to happen to these two.

Epico & Primo vs. Kofi Kingston & R-Truth – 2:22
Kingston wins it.

This seems fair too.  The point of the match was not to show wrestling skill, but to set up how coveted the tag team titles currently are.  Instead of a triple threat, I expect the tag titles to be defended in a gauntlet.  If Night of Champions is as crazy as its shaping up to be, it is going to be a BITCH to predict.

Kofi and Truth are interviewed.  Titus and D-Young show up.  Followed by The Usos, Epico and Primo and finally – Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd bought matching yellow shirts!  Its adorable!  All of the teams fight and I hope this leads to a huge match at Night of Champions.

Booker T asks Teddy Long what he should do about the tag teams.  Teddy Long, master of the tag team match making, has no opinion.  Well that’s odd.  Eve comes in with a spreadsheet of tag team data, plus much more information for Booker.  Hell, I’m ready to hire Eve. She needs a better dress though if she’s going to come working for me.  Seriously, that thing is hideous.

Triple H/Lesnar recap – 3:35

Yes. The recap for two part time wrestlers lasted longer than most of the matches tonight.  The pecking order has been established.

Randy Orton vs Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez)

Sheamus joins for commentary.

Wow!  Two guys I am not a fan of put on one hell of a match.  An amazing story throughout and that great heel strategy of wearing down a body part.  Randy keeps trying to come back but the damage to the arm is too severe.  Del Rio works it over and works it over more.  It is a shock to everyone when Randy taps out.  Usually a main event face passes out before tapping out.  This was a huge victory for Del Rio and really makes him look like the champion WWE has wanted him to be from day one.

Del Rio attacks Sheamus after the match and Dolph Ziggler runs down to take the spot.  But the recently defeated Orton wants to look strong as the show goes off the air and hits Zigs with a huge RKO.  Very unexpected and a great ending to the show.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton – 6:25

Is this the perfect amount of time to get me to care about Del Rio and/or Orton?  I really cant say enough good things about this match.  I’ll be sure to pay attention to how long their matches go in the future.  Maybe it was the length of the match that turned me over to the other side.

Again, with all of this taking place I am very much expecting a 3 or 4 way match for the World title at Night of Champions.

 

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