If you don’t have three free hours (plus the over run) then there is no better way to watch Raw but pre-recorded. Fast forward through recaps and commercials. Look at that you just saved yourself an hour! How fast do you read? Maybe I’ll save you a little more time right now. Lets get into it.
CM Punk recap from last week. Did you watch last week too? Alright, we’re good then. Moving on.
CM Punk and Paul Heyman come out. Punk talks about his interaction with Mick Foley from last week. Punk also says he still wont face John Cena. Doesn’t really go anywhere. Then Paul talks about the next piece they need to deal with, and its AJ. Does anyone skirt that TV-PG line finer than Paul? Heyman reminds us of the AJ and Paul Heyman angle from last week. Now we wait to see where that takes us this week. But Vickie comes out (with Dolph) before this progresses. Paul wants AJ fired so he can take her spot. Oh look Vickie wants the same. We have a power play on Raw and its not for the WWE title and its not involving any active wrestlers. All four people in the ring are focusing their anger at AJ. So far AJ has gotten more build up than Cena, Punk or the WWE title combined. Dolph suggests a team up. Looks like we’re going to skip the answer.
Its AJ! Its AJ! Bah gawd on Jim Ross appreciation night the Texas rattle sprite is on her way to the ring!
AJ says she’s on probation. Oh I hope its not the double secret kind. But AJ is in trouble and needs an “executive coach”. Daniel Bryan’s music starts. Is he the coach?! Nope. He just wants to knock down AJ’s bandwagon as well. That sounded dirty. D-Bryan talks. Kane comes out. If all of this doesn’t set up a tag match I’m going to be very frustrated.
Speaking of frustrated, I think Kane is sexually frustrated. He reminds us all that AJ is a great kisser. Yes, but how does she fuck? Anybody? Anyone? Jay Lethal? Anyone?
We have dueling chants with everyone holding up their championships proclaiming to be the best. Kinda funny. AJ screeches like a harpy and everyone shuts up enough to hear her announce a tag team main event. Holla holla holla.
Raw Recap – 2:30
AJ Recap – 0:34
Vickie/AJ Recap – 0:37
Opening Segment – 17:00
Twenty minutes just to set up the tag team match? Far too long. At least make an interesting opening.
Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio vs. Epico and Primo (with Rosa Mendes) as part of the #1 Contenders tag team tournament.
Oh, this will continue on Wednesday at the debut of WWE Main Event. Well that’s a good way to make the debut matter. Sin Cara and Rey have new split masks. Pretty cool looking.
Did Sin Cara botch twice already? Really looks like it. I am so very not impressed with him tonight. He is better than he’s been now that he’s teaming with Rey. But he is most definitely still not there. The PTP come out to get a better view of the match.
These matching outfits on Rey and Sin Cara make it a little more difficult to be sure who is botching what. Sure, Rey has a shirt on, but the masks and tights are similar enough to throw off the viewer just enough. I hate to say it, but I’m starting to speculate that Sin Cara is being protected. 619 and a splash and the new Luchadores team moves on.
There’s just more money in this team than there is in Epico and Primo. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen Epico and Primo in a real story line, or even cut a long promo. There’s never been anyone really behind this team and it shows.
The non-entrances – 0:12
Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara vs. Epico & Primo – 5:44
A pretty good 6 minutes. Both teams can really go when given the chance. Sin Cara still seems like a kid though. In that, he messes up once and it ruins the rest of the night. Get past it, move on, it will get better man!
Brodus Clay vs. Antonio Cesaro (US Champion).
Well this could be interesting. I have no doubt that Antonio can wrestle a bigger man. I have no doubt he can carry someone. But can be do both? What the shit?! What the hell?! Wow. Antonio just dominated Brodus. Absolutely destroyed him. Springboard kick. Then he picks up Brodus for the Neutralizer. The fucking strength in that. Holy crap. Your push is so very much over Brodus. Damn that was impressive.
Shortened entrances – 1:10
Brodus Clay vs. Antonio Cesaro – 1:06
Wow. Well I guess that’s one way to push a new guy and bury the old favorite. One minute. Funky is no longer on any sort of roll.
Speaking of impressive, look its Kaitlyn’s boobs! I’m sure that was an accidental close up. Ahem. AJ has her new coach and introduces him. AJ then apologizes to Kaitlyn for all of the bad times they went through when they used to be BFFs forever! And then AJ starts laughing maniacally. Oh that was precious. Her coach looks dumbfounded. Oh that was such a small thing but great for AJ.
Kaitlyn/AJ Segment – 1:31
Remember kids, when staring at boobs its best to get in and get out, lest ye be caught. Minute and a half is a good round number.
The Miz (Intercontinental champion) vs. Zack Ryder.
Its a damn shame WWE is doing this social media ambassador thing because its taking away from Miz and Ryder’s match. Zack is going all out but Miz is showing off how strong and resilient he has become. Miz makes short use of Ryder but still allows Zack a few moments to look strong. For a short match, its a damn well done one.
Miz/Ryder Entrances – 1:08
The Miz vs. Zack Ryder – 2:36
This was a really good match and when I see how long people were given to talk about nothing its a damn shame they didn’t get more time.
Booker T moderates the Big Show and Sheamus debate. Its not going well. “You’re not taking this debate serious.” To quote the late great Chris Candido. “This is pro wrestling, its been ridiculous since day one!”
The best part of this is what seems to be accidental. I’m thinking the Big Show’s podium wasn’t supposed to break. His reaction was far funnier than it should have been. Not funny though, was Sheamus in a Rey Mysterio mask sending in a question via Tout.
If WWE is going to book Sheamus as a comedian then why not go all the way. He’s jacked, he has the red hair, lets make Sheamus the WWE’s Carrot Top. Prop based pro wrestling! We have a face off and then Big Show walks away. This did not create a single PPV buy. Hopefully Show gets some backstage revenge later in the show.
I should never again type “backstage revenge”. Sounds like a new series from Brazzers.
Sheamus and Show Debate – 12:32
Oh shut the fuck up. Nearly 13 minutes for this? For nothing. I am all for talking segments, but make them matter. So far nothing has been done to talk people into ordering Hell in a Cell for the World title match.
Tonight they talk inside a 20 foot high steel cage!
Ryback vs. Tensai
Its a rematch from this past Smackdown. I was actually very impressed with Ryback in that match and I’m curious what they can pull off here. And pull off is the term. Ryback could not get Tensai up. I give him loads of credit. He tried, and didn’t get frustrated, so he tried again. Good job by the announcers covering this up. He hit the powerslam and that clothesline is pretty nasty looking. I’ll give him props for pushing through. Its a mistake, but not enough to ruin his push.
Tensai/Ryback Entrances – 1:09
Tensai vs. Ryback – 1:49
Not since the Undertaker was locker room leader have so many big guys had to be put down so fast. To think, the match would be even less if he could have gotten Tensai up the first time.
Oh the Rhodes Scholars have some hysterical banter. That’s about it.
Eve puts over the rest of the Divas division, but doesn’t. Sounds very shady.
Eve Torres (Divas champion) vs. Beth Phoenix.
You have to be kidding me. Eve wins with a neck breaker. After Beth and Natalya put on an amazing match just a couple of days ago on Smackdown, she gets crapped on in this match. A match that Beth was dominating. Also, far too many people in every wrestling company are doing neck based moves who really shouldn’t be doing them. Sure, anyone could be injured at any time, but there are some people who are more experienced than others.
Eve/Phoenix Entrances – 1:58
Eve/Booker T Smackdown Segment – 0:28
Eve vs. Beth Phoenix – 2:36
That is about the extent of time I can tolerate Eve on my TV. How can WWE make me not want to watch attractive women? Its a talent.
Santino Marella vs. Heath Slater (with Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre).
Finally this new team gets shown on Raw! I have hesitated from mentioning them, as to not step on Solace’s toes, but this is one of the most bizarre groups I’ve ever seen in wrestling. Yet because it is so bizarre something seems more genuine and natural about it. This would be a great CHIKARA King of Trios team. Santino is about to win the match but that brings in the running mates of Jinder and Drew. Are we calling them the Band officially? Drew takes out Santino. Heath seems to be running the show. This could be very interesting.
Santino/Slater – 0:10
Santino Marella vs. Heath Slater – 2:50
Encore Destruction – 2:02
Hell yes, more of this please. If they can get over like this in 5 minutes imagine what they can do in 7, even 10. Lets extend the set list!
Damien Sandow (with Cody Rhodes) vs. Sheamus (World champion).
Cody joins for commentary during the match. Sandow is playing a great chicken shit heel. Playing the referee, sneaking moves in where he can – and when he can too. Its some veteran ring work. Sheamus starts to be too much for Damien, who takes off. We go to a commercial break, and I’ll bet he’ll be back when we return.
Hey look I’m right! Cody distracts Sheamus long enough for Damien to get in some offense. Sandow is putting on a PPV quality match against the World champion. Great heel work, classic mat wrestling, and he can cut a hell of an antagonizing promo. This is a ball carrying match. Hey, Damien, here’s a match against the champion, lets see how you do. He is succeeding at every level. Speaking of levels, this match has put Sandow on my next level list. I wont be shocked to see him in the main event picture within a year.
Sheamus starts to put a few moves together but he is very clearly not at his best. He is tired, hurt and probably shocked by tonight’s challenge. These two have built up such a great match that when Damien gets a two count everyone expects a three. Ask any fan at the start of Raw if they could see Damien getting a three count on Sheamus. Not a one would say yes, and yet here we are. Sheamus traps Damien and goes for the trademark 10 count Irish shiver.
The ending is a damn shame though. Sheamus catches Cody trying to interfere, so he tosses Rhodes in the ring. Somehow one boot hits two Rhodes Scholars. Nice camera work covering up the logic there. Sheamus pins Damien because any World or WWE champion can beat any tag team at any time. This is what HHH has taught us.
Sandow/Sheamus Entrances – 1:40
Damien Sandow vs. Sheamus – 12:50
Yes. Look what happens with a longer match. Damien Sandow became a star tonight. Sure, some people need to be protected and some just cant hang. But obviously Damien can. Lets throw a title on him soon and see how well he carries it. Tons of potential here.
Its Jim Ross appreciation night! How will good ole JR get shit on this time?! Tune in kids!
Oh look its CM Punk. I get the story of respect, but its fails in execution. Because Punk has beat Cena. Numerous times. And he has held the title for almost a year. And he has beaten many other wrestlers in that time. What more does he have to do? “Well if you beat Cena in this match….” Well screw you. What if he does? Then what? He has to beat him in a Punjabi Prison match next month? It goes on far far too much. Punk dresses down Ross and that’s it. Until Ryback comes out?! Well I hope he’s coming for Punk and not JR because Ross might weigh as much as Tensai.
CM Punk walks away from Ryback. Its not a cowardly act really. Punk pulls it off as if he’s thinking, one day, but not today. Very well done. Oh and Paul Heyman was around for all of this too. Didn’t do much though.
CM Punk/JR Segment – 18:27
Nearly 20 minutes for CM Punk to gaze into Ryback’s eyes? That’s it. That’s all this accomplished. Far far far too much talking tonight.
Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Kofi Kingston (with R-Truth).
Ricardo introduces Del Rio and then he joins the announcers for the match. Sure, why not. This match has that feeling. You know, the feeling in which you really know who’s going to win and how. Sure enough, arm bar and an Alberto win. The only surprising thing was that Randy Orton didn’t make an appearance.
Del Rio/Kingston entrances – 3:55
Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston – 2:56
Unless its a squash, there is no way the entrances should last longer than the match. I had a feeling something was up with this one when it started. Felt like nothing more than a time killer.
AJ talks with her life coach thing about tonight’s main event. AJ suggests a special guest referee for tonight. She suggests the coach but he is too scared. AJ reminds us that if a coach has never played he cant be much of a coach and then throws the bum out!
Team Hell No (WWE Tag Team champions) vs. Dolph Ziggler (Money in the Bank, with Vickie Guerrero) and CM Punk (WWE champion, with Paul Heyman).
Oh, AND AJ is now the special referee. That’s a lot of people involved in this match.
AJ is wearing Converse wrestling boots. Which I think I’ve also seen on Sugar Dunkerton. But I wont tell Sugar that he shops in the same store as Ms Lee.
The star of the match is definitely AJ. Will she screw someone over? Will she go crazy? Will she mess up the three count? Also, who will take the three count? I’m guessing Ziggler.
Its a safe match. Not a bad one but its obvious the only big event to take place here will be AJ focused. Daniel Bryan and CM Punk are in the ring at the same time, so this match can now go on my dream DVD set of every WWE match these two have.
AJ ejects Vickie and Paul from ringside. Dolph takes off after Vickie, so there goes my prediction. Good storyline follow through though, because Punk ditched Ziggler a few weeks ago. Kane hits a chokeslam for the win and I’m shocked. The tag team champions just defeated the WWE champion. This is the opposite of what we’ve always been told! I guess anything can happen in WWE!
Bryan/Kane/Ziggler/Punk Entrances – 3:17
Daniel Bryan & Kane vs. CM Punk & Dolph Ziggler – 9:36
Unless Dolph is sneaking in as CM Punk’s next opponent, I don’t see the reason behind this mini feud. Lots of places Punk can go post Cena. I just wish they would pick one.