The Smarked for Death Wrestling Review for TNA Impact Wrestling 12/6/12.

BobbyRoodeApproved

This review is Bobby Roode approved!

Oh that’s right!  I enjoyed TNA so much two weeks ago I’m back for more.  I would have returned last week but I just could not find the time to get through it all.  At this rate I might even be able to watch Smackdown too.  But first, lets get to some TNA action.

I’m still not used to this new announcer.  He’s perfectly fine but there’s only been a handful of voices in TNA’s history and a new one is always surprising.

The It Factor – Daniels, Kazarian and Bobby Roode – come to ringside.  TNA has had so many factions and so many variations of them, plus names for each variation.  Immortal, Fortune, Rum and Coke.

Are they still throwing up that shitty three fingers and the thumb not Four Horsemen four symbol?  Why yes, yes they are.

Chris Daniels is wearing an Avengers shirt, and now I want to make Daniels my role model.

Correction, I believe its an A vs X shirt.  Even better.

These three come out, insult the crowd, insult their opponents and get over that they will win their matches at this Sunday’s PPV.  Daniels even calls out AJ, and you wont believe this shit from a wrestling show — he comes out!  Then AJ has something to say.  As my good friends and readers like to hear… Words are exchanged!

Daniels finally cuts a promo I can enjoy when he starts insulting AJ to his face.  AJ unfortunately doesn’t return the favor of a good promo.  No instead fist start to fly.  Its three on one until Jeff Hardy and James Storm make the save.  Coincidentally, this is the main event.

Jeff Hardy aside none of these men have been on WWE TV.  Why aren’t they bigger stars?  AJ and Daniels especially.

Devon vs. Samoa Joe (TV champ)

Devon never lost the TV title.  He was still champion during his TNA contract dispute and when be briefly left the company, the TV title was in turn stripped from his possession.  This match really makes a hell of a  lot of sense.

Joe is the bigger man and yet moves like he’s half of Devon’s size.  Look at Samoa Joe bringing his A game yet again!  I’m very impressed with Samoa Joe here and then Devon with a spinning elbow!  Both men phoned it in for so long but something in their recent careers has reignited a fire.

Joe gets in a number of good shots then drops down with a senton and sits up as if to say bitch please I haven’t even broken a sweat.  That’s it, I’m breaking out Punk vs. Joe this week.

Joe has it locked up when some trampy tramp jumps up on the ring apron and bounces around.  Everyone is distracted.  Doc (the former Luke Gallows) comes out and hits Joe with a pipe.  Joe is down, the blonde is gone and Devon becomes the new TNA TV champion.  Now Aces and Eights has even more pull in the Impact Zone.

D Lo Brown talks to fellow road agent Al Snow.  Sounds like someone tried to take Al out and a conspiracy grows.

HelloMicky

Mickie James comes out to talk about her return to TNA Impact Wrestling.  Good for her, and its great to have her back and healthy. But when TNA just forgets about people for months at a time how in the hell do we know if they’re injured or hurting or fired or just not booked this week.  Take Gunner for example.  Where the hell is he?  Is he sick too?  Probably not as he’s wrestling indy shows all over the country… but you see my point.

TaraAndWho

Tara and seriously whoever the fuck this guy is comes out to play heel against Mickie.  Title match this Sunday and these two could potentially put on one of the best womens matches on PPV this year.  In fact, is there anything that could top this?

PigeonsAhoy

How about some birds?  Because the pigeons have returned!  See, and here we go again.  Thrilled to have Velvet back.  TNA never should have let her contract lapse.  Pay her whatever she wants.  The problem is, here we are in this Mickie James why are you missing world.  Contract problems.  TNA was dumb.  That’s all that it was.  And yet here’s Taz saying “we haven’t seen her in months!” Yeah, because she wasn’t under contract.  I cant wait to see this on Botchamania’s insipid Taz commentary.

Also, Velvet should really cut her promo at her potential opponents and not at the hard camera.

VelvetNotAmused

Robbie E and Robbie T hype Direct auto insurance.  Well shut up and take my money!

Something is coming on 1/3/13.  There will be blood and violence and stuff.  I’m going to bet that this will be the return of Abyss.

Robbie E and Robbie T vs. Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez (TNA tag team champs).

What is up with Chavo’s music?  It sounds like Lucha Techno.  Or Lucha Technicos!  Am I right?  Anyways….

I think Hernandez bought his tights at Scott Steiner’s close out wrestling warehouse.

Chavo and Hernandez just cant get on the right page tonight and its hurting the flow of the match.  Robbie E is trying to get the match flowing but instead it looks like he’s just stretching a one minute match for time.  Hernandez drops Robbie E and Chavo hits a frog splash to end this match.  Not the best by any of these men.

TheOrgan

Joey Ryan comes out to say words to the champs, but its only a distraction.  Matt Morgan attacks them from behind and the King of Sleeze stands over the champs.  The Big Morgan and the Big Organ!  Kevin, some may ask, why is Joey Ryan on your favorite wrestler list?  Now you know.

DevonBlows

The Aces and Eights party with some strippers.  One does the beer bottle tap move thing to make his beer overflow.  Now Devon has to fellate the bottle.  TNA, its already a wrestling show, so many people need to already check their homophobia at the door.  Anything that looks like a blow job and performed by a man should probably be edited out.

Kurt Angle and Garrett Bischoff talk to TNA’s newest, Wes Briscoe.  Kurt as teacher for the next generation may be the role best suited for him at this point in his career.

Chavo and Hernandez post a post ass kicking promo on Morgan and Organ.  Not the best promo either.

Kurt Angle vs. DOC.

So DOC stands for Director of Chaos?  I understand there’s a Sons of Anarchy thing happening here but is there a DOC on SOA as well?  I should really get on that show.

DOC is doing damn well.  To think this is Festus is unreal.  Now, Luke Gallows was vastly improving but didn’t get a good shot.  He’s showing some excellent skill here though.  He moves well, sells well, and knows how to play the big man role when needed too.

DOC hits a low blow on Angle, then a big clothesline, somehow breaks his belt and still only gets a two count.  That belt died for a three and only a three!

Kurt even kicks out of a chokeslam too.  Great showing by DOC.  Even without the rest of the Aces and Eights everyone can see him winning this match.  On paper the former Luke Gallows should not defeat multiple time world champion Kurt Angle.  But in this scenario, it seems plausible.

The rest of Aces and Eights come out to take out Angle.  The odds are evened when Joe, Wes and Garrett run out.  4 on 4 match this Sunday on PPV.  This isn’t a bad PPV at all.  I may have to stay up late Sunday or post something early Monday morning.

Backstage, Hulk Hogan is on the phone with I assume Joseph Parks.  Hulk tells Joseph to call Al at OVW.  Um, Al is in the building.  Just call down the hallway.  No need to cross state lines with phone calls.  Bully Ray comes in and demands a match against Austin Aries.  Hulk refuses the match because he has to look at the big picture.  What fucking big picture could you think of?  Bully, a massive heel, against a former TNA World champion.  That sounds like a good match.  Also, they’re not involved in any other program and you have to book a 3 hour PPV to air in a couple days.

There are logic jumps, or holes, in TNA that just bother me… and here comes Jeff Hardy.

So James Storm talks to Hardy about their upcoming match.  Good good.  Then we hear Hardy’s internal monologue?!  What in the fuck!?  Just took me right out of the show.  Absolutely horrible idea.

Zema Ion vs Kid Kash vs Kenny King.

Yeah, for what you pulled on ROH Kenny you should really make sure you’re on TNA as often as possible.  Winner of the match gets the X division shot at the PPV.

Kenny and Zema go on a bit of a spot fest, but its a nice one.  Few new and crisp moves from both men.  Then Kash steps up so he doesn’t look like the old man here.  Zema has a spectacular flip to the outside, takes out both opponents, and lands on his feet.  Yeah, this match is starting to make up for that Hardy bullshit.

One of the best Tower of Doom spots I’ve seen in awhile.  A good X division match can really raise the bar of any show.  There isn’t a story or match psychology happening here.  But it is loads of fun.

Zema pushes Kash off the top to the floor.  Kenny flies across most of the ring and takes out Zema.  King with a nice little spin slam of a finisher called the Royal Flush and Mr no verbal contracts has a title shot on pay per view.  So far, match of the night right here.

Bully Ray is on the phone.  Who could he be talking to that isn’t already in the building?

Bully Ray stages a sit in in the ring.  Ray wants a match against Austin Aries.  Again, I still see no reason why Hulk wouldn’t make this match happen.  I’m not saying you cant have tension and try to keep two people apart.  Wait weeks if not months before booking a match.  But do it for a reason!  Hulk’s long term planning statement makes zero sense.

Austin Aries comes out and, you guessed it, words are exchanged!  Austin continues his theory that Bully and Brooke are hooking up.  TNA needs to stay away from these scandalous love story plots.

Austin sits on the ramp and we have dueling sit ins!  Oh I hope they make a playset so I can experience the thrilling moments of sitting from the comfort of my own home.

Hogan comes out and says no to the match, plus he will either fire or beat up Bully.  Again no sense.  Brooke comes running out and its like watching a fawn try to learn how to walk.   A big gangly space fawn with a fifth leg.  Brooke “accidentally” calls Bully Ray “Mark”.  ZOMG that means this must be real!  She used his real name!  And he used hers!  Its Howard, BTW.

Oh look Hogan goes ahead and makes the match!  Who had “by the end of the night” in the when will this match get booked pool?  Oh, everyone?  Good to know.

The card is shown for Final Resolution.  Almost all of the matches were made tonight.  How does that book anticipation for a PPV?

Bobby Roode and the Zubaz and fanny packed Daniels and Kazarian vs. AJ Styles, James Storm and Jeff Hardy (TNA World champion).

To catch you all up, I still see Jeff Hardy as a hugely fucked up person who has wrestled in an altered state a bit too much and in doing so put his life and his opponent’s life in danger.  Thus I have a hard time supporting him.  Lets see how I call this match.

Oh, Bobby Roode is the It Factor.  The group of three is not the It Factor.  Good to know.  Wish someone had put a little exposition in earlier in the show.

I just cannot get into this match.  Hardy aside.  Storm and Roode have been feuding for a year.  Daniels and Kaz vs AJ for just as long.  Yet here we are.  No one has won, no one has moved on, its just the same battle.

Hardy working the lion’s share of the match doesn’t seem to be the best booking decision.  The world champion is getting his ass handed to him.  That shouldn’t be happening for the champ.  AJ and Daniels are fighting over who is the best, so they should be given a couple of exchanges, that neither truly wins.  Leaving Storm as the one who should be getting beat down and fighting for the hot tag.  Jeff gets the hot tag, the crowd pops, and he looks like a strong world champion.

But that’s not what happened.  The hot tag comes in, everyone fights and this match makes even less sense when Storm and AJ start to argue.  So Hardy tags himself in and gets the pin.  What in the shit?

Oh good, Aces and Eights attack.  Well at least Hardy has now finally done something right.

James Storm comes back with a chair to save Hardy.  Where are the four men who will be facing Aces and Eights at the PPV?  Wouldn’t it have made sense for them to come out?

Its not a bad show, but the logic gaps take this week down a notch.

VelvetsVelvet

 

 

THE END!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s