The Smarked for Death Wrestling Review for WWE Smackdown 3/15/13.

Its time for the Friday night delight, Smackdown!

 

The show opens with Team Rhodes Scholars vs. the, ahem, “Celtic Vipers”.  I really hate that name.  Maybe I just ate something I shouldn’t have but every time I hear that name I want to be sick.  I also want to be sick at the way they’re being pushed as this legitimate dominant tag team.  Kane and Daniel Bryan are wrestling as singles.  Shield, Prime Time Players, Brodus Clay and Tensai all sit in the back without any gold.  Damn shame.  Celtic Vipers, ugh, win the match.

SheamusLook

 

Look at all the Fahks I give fellah!

The Shield’s music plays and they cut a promo on Sheamus and Randy.  Shield makes a challenge for WrestleMania.  Well at least now they have a reason to team up.  A better reason than neither of them are doing anything else.

Big Show comes in and wants to team with the Celtic Vipers.  Oh maybe they should call themselves the Celtic Giant Vipers.  Nah, because Sheamus and Randy actually picked Ryback to be their partner.  The Celtic Viper Feeds?  Who knows.

Kaitlyn (Divas champion) and Layla vs. Tamina Snuka and Aksana.

LaylaPole

Tamina shoves Layla off with one of the nastiest shoves I’ve ever seen in a wrestling ring.  Layla flies under the ropes and hits her head on the post.  Lots of credit to her for continuing to wrestle.  Tamina womanhandles Layla and tags in Aksana when the former champion is all bruised up.  Aksana and Tamina have some frequent tags and start to toy with Layla.  I still hate the blonde hair.

Good thing Layla’s gear is a little longer for a Diva because some of these camera shots could be a bit too revealing otherwise.

Kaitlyn gets the hot tag and tosses Aksana around the ring.  Tamina breaks up a pin attempt and cracks Kaitlyn when she’s not looking.  Kaitlyn returns the favor and shoves Aksana into Tamina.  Kaitlyn is about to get the win but Layla tags herself in to get the glory.  Well at least there’s one story in the Divas division.

Make that one more.  The Funkadactyls are watching backstage and they get interrupted by the Bellas.  All the women get a little catty and its only a matter of time before… Yup.  There’s the fight.  The Bellas beat the hell out of Naomi and Cameron.  Well I’ll be at least curious for this match.

Kane (with Daniel Bryan) vs. Dolph Ziggler (with AJ and Big E Langston).

Is it wrong I thought this would be a tag team match?  Foolish I know.  It would mean that I not only got to see Big E wrestle, but I could also see the tag team champions wrestle as a team.

The story here is that Kane is still pissed off over CM Punk’s actions on Raw and he will take it out on Ziggler.  Dolph is wrestling very fast and doing a good job of avoiding a beat down from the Big Red Monster.  However, Kane is the bigger star and the way that Dolph has been booked lately says Kane gets this one.

Or not.  Not only did Dolph beat Daniel Bryan on Raw he now beats Kane.  Dolph has beat the tag team champions in the span of one week.  That’s pretty freaking impressive.  Just as impressive as Big E coming in to take down Kane.  Tag title match next week?  Big E in the ring?  We can only hope.

DelRioBorders

 

Thanks a lot Del Rio.  You closed all the Borders now I have no where to buy books!

R-Truth and Chris Jericho are watching the parody work of Del Rio and Ricardo.  Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter show up to bitch at Jericho for not being a real American.  Because he’s from Canada.  Alright, that’s actually pretty damn funny.

Fandango wont wrestle unless the Great Khali can say his name.  Well shit there’s no chance of that happening.  I’ll just look at Natalya and wish for a day when she wrestles again.

Matt Striker interviews Randy Orton and Sheamus but the Shield shows up and takes them both out!  Its one hell of an attack.

Back from break, Booker T and Teddy Long are trying to pick up the pieces of the Celtic Vipers.  Ryback shows up and finds out what he missed.  Booker tells him to forget about his partners and just go out to wrestle Mark Henry instead.

Ryback vs. Mark Henry.

ShieldMusketeers

 

And one for all!

Before anything can really happen in the match the Shield’s music hits.  Ryback and Mark stop and look to see where these bastions of justice are entering from.  Mark Henry leaves the ring and the Shield let him pass.  Three on one attack on Ryback.  Ryback clears the ring and Mark Henry tries to sneak attack him.  Ryback sees that one coming but he doesn’t see the Shield regrouping and piling on him.  Shield beats down Ryback and it looks like there’s no one left to help him.

He gets less then help.  Not only does the Shield destroy Ryback but then Mark Henry comes back into the ring and hits multiple World’s Strongest Slams on the hungry beast.

Chris Jericho vs. Jack Swagger (with Zeb Colter).

SwaggerPoop

 

Looks like Swagger has a run at his personal borders, if you know what I mean.

Jericho put over Swagger in a big bad way here tonight.  He bumped, he sold every move like a shotgun blast.  Really a lot of credit has to be given to Y2J here because its the most dominant Swagger has looked since his comeback.  This is how a World title contender should be booked.  Dominant going into WrestleMania.  Unstoppable.  Hell of a job here tonight.

Swagger hits a gut wrench power bomb, his old finisher, for the win.  Great pre ‘Mania booking.

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