Looking back, there were few days more frightful in school than Valentine’s Day. Most school teachers realized that not every kid is popular and there is a risk of one poor child getting zero cards. Thus rules were put in place that if any student is bringing in cards, they must bring in enough for the entire class. Now, some of your snobbish mean girls would spin that rule to bring in one for everyone and extra special additional ones for the other kidst hey actually liked or thought were cute. But that is a story for another day. After more therapy.

Today is about the pressure of, not a perfect Valentine’s Day card, but the correct one. No mushy one to your male friend. Nothing too sweet to the cute girl for fear of exposing your crush. And the teacher can’t get one that appears to have alternate meanings. I spent hours with my class list and a stack of cards debating which one is best for each classmate. Was I the only one? Hopefully this blog finds an answer.

“Let’s be friends.” A seemingly innocuous statement. But back in the 1980’s no one other than the geekiest of geeks in school knew who or what the Flash and Supergirl are. “Let’s be friends,” why Kevin? Do you think I’m going to read comic books with you? Do you think I would dress in short shorts? Do you think you can run fast? All of which would be answered in the negative. This card would go to an acquaitance who will never be anything more and thus the opportunity to even discuss any deeper meaning of the card will never come up.

My Pet Monster. The short lived second version that loved sports. Which I love monsters, still do to this day, but back then as is true today I don’t do sports. Thus this card would make me a liar. What do I know of passing? Or football? I can hear it now, “you probably think actual monsters play football because you know so little of the game.” Hell of a thing for a teacher to say.

Through the decades, I can hear this one. “Let’s be what Kevin?” I don’t know. Friends? Lunch buddies? Ghost chasers?

“It says ‘let’s be’ and has Mr and Mrs Pac-Man on it. You obviously want to marry me. Ew”

It’s actually Ms. Pac-Man. Not Mrs.

“God! You’re such a nerd!”

womp womp womp womp. My guy died.

 

As a child of the 1980’s there were lots of cute characters for the younger set. But I loved cartoons so I still watched them, whether it was below my age range or even aimed at girls. If it was entertaining I would still watch it. Some of them to this day. But also, the 80’s were a time of ignorant insensitivity. A lot of us just didn’t know any better. Which would be the downfall of these Get Along Gang cards.

“What the hell is this?”

Get Along Gang.

“Looks more like the Gay Along Gang.”

It was a different time back then. And speaking of a different time.

 

Oh. Oh my. Wow. Yeah. Not a chance in hell that one would show up in school without a police presence and a heated parent teacher conference.

 

Did I just put way too more thought into Valentine’s Day cards than you ever have in your life? Or am I not the only one? Let me know in the comments.