At Odds with Wrestling Homework: Santa’s Little Helper.

Another year is almost done and thus it is time for another holiday themed homework assignment. Each and every week without a major PPV, the At Odds with Wrestling podcast assigns a wrestling classic, or in some cases, stuff like this. For this week we all watched the WWE Studios holiday classic, Santa’s Little Helper.

This was Adam’s pick because it will most likely be a horrible movie. Which, it kind of is, so he’s successful there. It’s also a kids movie and such things have to be looked at through their eyes. As a silly and simple movie I think many kids would find it funny and cheer along and really like the film. There’s a bit in there for adults, and we’ll get to it. If any readers want to throw something on for the kids over the next couple days, this wouldn’t be a bad one.

The Miz as “Dax the Ax” is a ruthless real estate agent willing to foreclose on anyone in a moment if it means another commission in his pocket. He serves papers to the Hope Springs Youth Center (or Centre at times, this was filmed in Canada), yet Dax seems to have some familiarity with the place. The staff at the Center beg for more time, because they did have the money but it was stolen. It’s implied that their Christmas concert raises enough money to keep the program going. Dax is glad to see it all go away and walks out. His name is carved in a wooden bench out front and the guy playing Santa outside gives him a knowing look. Dax takes his successful win over the poor kids back to the office where he is an absolute ass to everyone. Not necessarily evil but definitely a self centered prick.

A prick who gets his immediate comeuppance. Dax is fired and told to leave the building. He begs for more time, he asks how his boss could do such a horrible thing at Christmas time. Ironically, the same things the staff at the Center was saying to Dax just moments ago. Dax smashes a glass table and hits a security guard with a football before getting knocked out and thrown out. All of this within the first 10 minutes of the movie. No time for nuance in this flick.

Meanwhile, Santa’s Little Helper has retired and Santa needs to find a replacement. This is the Ho Ho Ho position, which I’m guessing is meant as a riff on CEO or CFO. Santa’s personal trainer and overall elf of all trades, Billie (AnnaLynne McCord) is helping Santa get into Christmas shape and listening to his concerns over filling the SLH HoHoHo position.

Let’s take a break for a moment. I knew Miz would be the star but I really expected Paige here…

…to be the love interest female lead. She looks cute in her elf costume and in a WWE Studios movie is the bigger name than McCord. However, from the moment Billie is introduced she is ridiculously hot and is the focus of the camera in every single scene she’s in. Adam and I have already DM over this. This is maybe a height of her powers role. Whoever put together her work out clothes knew exactly what they were doing and every Dad forced to watch this movie just started paying more attention. Worth watching the movie just for her.

Anyways, Santa tells Billie he has his eye on a “normie” for the SLH position. He wants Billie to go “between the poles” (I would like the same thing from Billie) to scout Dax. Billie is chosen for this assignment because she is a mutant freak elf with… trigger warning here… round ears! Can you believe it? What an unattractive troll with her non pointy ears. She’ll never find someone willing to love her grotesque ass.

Dax meanwhile is about to be evicted, his car has been repossessed, he’s been living beyond his means for so long it’s all crashing down and it hurts inside. He’s in his underwear, the place is a mess, and here comes Billie. She is hot so she has his attention and Dax listens to her pitch. If he can successfully perform certain tasks her eccentric boss will hire him. Billie has Dax enter a biker bar to inform them he dinged one of their bikes. A silly fun fight ensues but Dax ultimately fails. Next task is to dress up as a mascot for a kid’s birthday party at a copyright free version of Chuck E Cheese. Dax gets so pissed off at the little kid he smashes the kid’s face into cake and the room freezes. Dax thinks on his feet and changes this into a food fight which the kids and parents love. Billie is upset with him for his attitude but gives him some credit for turning it around. While at the party Paige shows up…

…Paige here! Paige (as Eleanor the elf) believe that the Ho Ho Ho position should be hers because it was her dad’s spot and she is entitled too it. Damn first millennials. Billie still doubts Dax but really doesn’t want Eleanor’s bitchy self to have the spot. Dax has one more test but on the way to the test he sees a man slumped over in an alley. Dax assumes the man is drunk but it turns out he’s just been mugged. He’s not worried about the money, but he wants his family heirloom ring back. Dax walks by the troubled teens who mugged the man (if only there was a youth center) and initially says it’s not his problem. But his recent experiences with Billie has changed his attitude and he non violently gets the ring back for the man.

Billie says he just passed the third test. The two get closer and might give into their feelings when instead Billie reveals who her boss is, and Dax doesn’t believe it. He stops just short of calling Billie crazy but he’s upset and feels like he just wasted all of this time which could have been spent finding an actual job. Billie uses her magic of Christmas bell to tie up Dax and summon Santa. All will now be revealed.

Dax is transported to the North Pole, he meets Santa, he falls in love with this world as much as he is falling for Billie. Dax still wants to know why Santa chose him. Santa reveals Dax’s history. Dax was a troubled teen who went to that same youth center! He was accused of stealing money for the Christmas play and then it had to be cancelled. He ruined it for everyone. After all the kids blame him one of the staff reveals that he stole the money but who’s going to believe some delinquent teen? Hmmm, I wonder if that same employee is still there? It was that moment that Dax closed himself off to the world and to love, but Santa shows him what his life could have been had he continued down a better path. It’s too late for that alternate version of himself in the Miz-verse but he can choose a better course in the life he is living. All of this convinces Dax and he leaves his home and all of his possessions for a better life at the North Pole.

Just as Dax is about to be sworn in as the SLH, Paige is here…

…and she has some rules and regulations in hand. Turns out according to official North Pole policy, anyone can voice a complaint over who is chosen for HoHoHo and the two contestants must battle it out in a trial by combat! Or, an obstacle course in the trees. A course that Eleanor has the record for and has never been defeated. Dax tries his best but Eleanor cheats and fights her way to victory. All is lost, Eleanor will be SLH, Dax goes back to nothing, and Billie feels defeated. Dax returns to California but way of British Columbia and is he back to his old ways? He has stolen the Christmas magic bell and magics himself a new car! Santa and Billie give chase, and what do they find?

Dax has arrived at the Youth Center. He magics up the staff member who has stolen all of the money. The police arrest him on Dax’s word alone and no evidence. Dax’s old boss is there with a digger (not a bulldozer) to destroy the building. Despite the revelation the money has been stolen and will be returned the money is still past due and the bulldozing will commence. Santa and Billie have arrived and Santa tells Dax he has to do this one without any magic. Dax gives a rallying speech and all the Youth Center staff and kids get behind him. Dax informs his old boss he’ll reveal his creative accounting secrets and that finally gets him to back down. Everyone goes inside to enjoy the concert.

In a movie where Santa is real, Dax showing up out of no where and getting the entire Youth Center behind him when they last saw him evicting them is the most unrealistic part of the film. Santa informs Eleanor that if she continued to read official Christmas codes and laws she would see that she not only had to win but had to do so in a sportsman like way, which she did not. She is disqualified and Santa offers the spot to his first choice all along – Billie!

What a swerve! It turns out while Billie thought she was seeing if Dax was worthy it was all an elaborate ruse by Santa to prove that Billie is worthy. Billie jumps onto Dax for a passionate kiss to close it out. A rather sexually intense passionate kiss which means at some point up in the North Pole some elf was able to look past Billie’s freakish round ears. Probably thinking with their candy cane.

All jokes aside, it’s a cute movie. I’ve watched Hallmark movies that are much worse. It’s a lot better than Santa with Muscles. And hey, I’ll put it out there and deal with the consequences, I liked this movie more than I like National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Oh that’s right, I went there.

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