I have taken it upon myself to watch all four (so far) episodes of WWE’s newest reality show – Corey and Carmella. This aired on WWE’s YouTube show and was clearly filmed in classic reality show style. I’m guessing it was meant to air on the USA network or some cable channel and when the network passed, WWE chopped it up for YouTube. And chop it up they did, the longest episode is 11 minutes.
Episode 1 – House Hunting Hell 11.06 minutes.
The show starts with Carmella asking Corey, “did you jerk your own (censored) in the shower.” Just so we know what we’re in for here. The introduction lets us know who Corey and Carmella are, because for a show on the WWE YouTube channel there are thousands of people watching who don’t know who these two are. These two have a podcast? Alright, I didn’t know that. Carmella moved to Pittsburgh where Corey still lives so he can be close to his children. They have silly fights and arguments and Corey is the epitome of the saying, no matter how hot she is, someone is sick of her shit.
They are going to buy a house but need to find one that fits all of their needs. “You need less stuff.” “That is not an option.” I feel some empathy here. The show is already a paint by numbers reality show for the plot, the filming, the pacing – all of it. The most fake part is when a realtor friend takes them to look at houses that they clearly don’t want. When they finally see a good house it’s painfully obvious. I’m guessing a $200,000 price difference from the previous houses, at least. Oh, Carmella doesn’t like it because there’s not enough closet space.
Episode 2 – Corey breaks Carmella’s championship. 9.52 minutes.
We’re back at the same house they were looking at in the last episode, or as I’m guessing it was originally edited to be, right after the commercial break. The realtor suggests that bedroom four can be converted into a giant bedroom for Carmella. The show jumps to three months later when they finally get the house and start moving in. Yet somehow they’re wearing the same clothes. Carmella has a great champagne burp. However she looks cute as hell packing the moving boxes, and that is the hook of the show. Corey clearly sets up the plot of the episode by doing a shitty and fake packing job of Carmella’s title belt. OF course the glass is broken and every bit of it is forced. Corey’s brother Sam comes over to help, apparently he’s a wrestler too. He moves all the boxes while Corey and Carmella chill. Sam drops a box of sex toys which is packed with a cheese grater. Like you do. Corey and Carmella call each other “babe” constantly. This is one of the fakest reality shows I’ve ever seen.
Episode 3 – Corey eavesdrops on Carmella’ call. 9.21 minutes.
Pancake is their dog, good to know. The show knows what they’re doing and Carmella arguably looks better in casual clothes than all done up. Carmella decorates the house while Corey is at Raw. She sets all of his stuff in the basement because it doesn’t go with the decor she’s trying to create. Corey actually likes the basement and plans on turning it into a man cave/podcast studio. Corey overhears Carmella on the phone and he’s concerned that she has doubts about living in Pittsburgh and moving in with him. Oh geez, oh no Rick, what are we going to do? Every viewer knows this is not about Corey but now we have to wait to see what it is actually about. Breanna is Carmella’s sister and she’s on the other end of the call. Turns out Carmella is talking about her wine. She has a wine? I’m learning so much about their side hustles. Corey does his sit down exposition interview with shaving cream on his face. Corey tells Carmella that he heard her phone call and this is to be continued.
Episode 4. Carmella embarrasses Corey at the gym. 11.13 minutes.
Back to the eavesdropping. Carmella accuses Corey of spying and trust issues and things and it all blows over in about 30 seconds. However, Corey wants to do something special for Carmella so he plans on going to the gym with her then taking her out to eat. They head over to Union Fitness to work with CJ the personal trainer. I don’t know if Corey is pretending to be bad or lazy or if he actually is, either way Carmella is in ridiculous shape and is smoking him on every exercise. Now it’s time for overtime at the gym and Corey taps out. I can’t imagine Vince will be pleased with his work ethic. Back at the house and Corey is taking a shower. The camera leads up to Carmella joining him before leaving the room. Well, just after making the tub filthy, let’s meet Corey’s kids! There’s a more wholesome way to edit these two scenes. Maybe have them in separate episodes. Corey’s kids are over, they’re all being silly and making breakfast together. Carmella calls herself a “bonus mom”. Corey confuses spatulas and “turners”. His son Cash gets a “that’s what she said” joke. Corey gets his girls ready for a cheerleading competition. This is actually the most real and most human the two appear so far. Two celebrities on the road constantly and still trying to be a good dad and a good stepmom, now that’s an interesting show. And not that anyone will mind watching Carmella work out or be sexy, but there’s hundreds of other places to watch that. This real modern family version of the show could have cross over appeal and grow an all new fan base for both of them. Instead it’s going to be the oversexed highlight reel.
That’s all the shows that are up so far but I’ll continue to watch it so you don’t have to.