At Odds with Wrestling Homework: Chikara’s All the Agents and Superhuman Crew

Stan Lee once said, every comic is someone’s first comic. So welcome to someone’s first time reading the homework assignment. Each and every week without a major wrestling event, my friends over at the At Odds with Wrestling podcast assign each other a classic show from the past to watch and discuss the following week. I usually join the festivities and include my own thoughts on the matches. This week, Chikara’s All the Agents and Superhuman Crew took place February 9, 2013 from Reading, PA and kicked off a new season of Chikara. When this show was assigned, it was for the later part of the card. However, I watched all of it plus the extra videos on YouTube. 

In the season 11 epilogue, Barrister RD Evans, the time travel lawyer, meets with Wink to ensure that Archibald Peck can be reinstated into Chikara. Our current version of Archie has not yet lost his loser leaves town match. Eddie Kingston actually backfisted Archie to the future and thus this version of Archie has yet to go back to the past to lose his match. Thus he is allowed to wrestle. However, this also implies that another version of Archie is still wandering the earth in present day and the camera cuts to the Alt-ibald about to enter Parts Unknown. 

The Chikara event centers from 1/31/13 and 2/7/13 feature fun promos from Mr Touchdown, Archibald Peck, the Colony, and a great one with 3.0 and a surprise appearance from the Model Rick Martel who has taught them the secrets of the Boston Crab.

The Colony (assailANT & Fire Ant) vs The Swarm (deviANT & Soldier Ant).

The original Colony members avoid wrestling against each other despite being on opposing teams. The former Swarm doesn’t care though and beats the hell out of each other. Soldier Ant walks out on DeviANT and that’s all the advantage that was needed. AssailANT pins DeviANT, continuing his face turn. 

Dasher Hatfield vs Delirious.

I reached down to get a chip out of the bag and that’s how long it took for Dasher to quickly pin Delirious. I was in shock. Delirious and some mystery helpers beat up Dasher, and really that’s the story for the new season. Not the quick pinfall. 

The Batiri (Kodama & Obariyon) vs Los Ice Creams (El Hijo del Ice Cream & Ice Cream Jr.).

Kobald is on commentary and I wouldn’t want it all the time, but it’s fun for a one off. This match was fun and quick but came very close to being too silly for such an evil team. The Batiri gets the win. 

Frightmare vs Ophidian.

There are a lot of Amasis masks in the crowd, continuing the story of his shocking return at Under the Hood. Ophidian has a sleeper, or a choke depending on your angle, on Frightmare. But Frightmare reverses it in the corner and flips over. To me it looked like all four shoulders were down but Bryce has a better angle than I do and says Frightmare wins the match. 

Now onto the official homework assignment:

Jigsaw & The Shard vs Team FIST (Icarus & Sugar Dunkerton).

Pre match FIST promo. Sugar showboats but Icarus will not. This gets them on the wrong page and causes them to mistime numerous double team move attempts. Jigsaw and Shard use this to their advantage and just take Sugar apart. Icarus begs for the hot tag and really flirts with that face turn. Icarus finally gets the hot tag. The rolling suplexes that end with one into the turnbuckle is a devastating move. Sugar rallies and says to his partner, let’s do this together. Icarus however says no and leaves Sugar on his own. Icarus is on the floor cheering on SUgar but doesn’t actually give any help. The heels double team and the Shard pins Sugar. Icarus yells at Sugar for losing the match. I know some stuff that happens with Icarus later in his Chikara career but I’m very curious how we get there. I’m more into this story at the moment than the Jigsaw heel turn. 

Green Ant vs Eddie Kingston.

Green Ant promo. I swear when Mantis and Joe are on commentary together they purposely say things to get the other to pop. This match is mostly Eddie and I start to wonder if he’s taking Green Ant too lightly. “Gluten free bread basket”, me and my horribly sensitive stomach appreciate this joke. Eddie really dissects Green Ant and I don’t think current AEW TV time gives him the opportunity to show this side of his skills. No one sells a leg injury better than Eddie Kingston. I’ve seen him do it maybe dozens of times at this point and I buy it every time. Green Ant finally attacks Eddie’s knee with a dragon screw. Finally, the Ant gets some offense in. Ant locks on a figure four that ties the two men up so well, they need help to break the hold. Eddie fights back and beats Green Ant down but he can only get a two. Every time. Eddie doesn’t act concerned for his victory, but it builds up Green Ant as a guy who won’t stay down. He’s not going to win, but what a tough son of a bitch. As this continues, Eddie struggles with his bad leg more and more. Wink runs out from the back, trying to hold back Kevin Steen. Eddie goes after Steen and accidentally hits Wink. Eddie goes back to the ring, heavily distracted by not only Steen but also by what he knows are future repercussions from Wink. Green Ant jumps on this and locks a cloverleaf onto Eddie, and Eddie taps?! Whoa. Did not see that coming. Gavin and others are tending to Wink. Wink finally gets up and yells at Eddie. Wink makes tomorrow’s Eddie vs Steen match for the Chikara Grand Championship. How can Eddie defend the title with a bad wheel? Stay tuned! 

Kevin Steen & The Young Bucks (Matt Jackson & Nick Jackson) vs 3.0 (Scott Parker & Shane Matthews) & Gran Akuma.

3.0 and Steen feed off of each other so well. Shame they’re in different companies now. I would much rather enjoy the Steen Appreciation Society. The heels cut off Akuma and he takes the beating for a good time. There’s a lot of silliness in this match but it never becomes a comedy match. That’s a very fine line but everyone here toes it well. There’s a real fun nuts all six guys getting involved spot later in the match. There is also no safe place to dive to the outside. Close quarters and no guard rails but the staff/students do a good job of protecting everyone without drawing attention to themselves. The Bucks hit More Bang for Your Buck for the pin. 

Hallowicked vs Chuck Taylor.

What an incredible match. I would not have predicted this match on paper, but if there wasn’t so much build and emotion for the main event, this would be the match of the night. They never let up and it’s maybe the best match I’ve seen from either man. The little kid chanting for Hallowicked and all that can be heard in the entire building is his 10 year old (give or take) is magic. Adorable, amazing, and reminds me why I love wrestling. I can’t wait to take my kid to another show. Hallowicked hits a version of Go to Sleep and then a Yakuza Kick for the pin and I hope that’s not all from these two. 

Tim Donst comes out with Jakob Hammermeier. Donst is in a mood and takes it out on Jakob’s shirt. Jakob says he wants to be like Donst. Donst takes this statement as inspiration to beat down Jakob and cut his hair. This is incredible. It’s raw and honestly tough to watch. Jakob is so sympathetic and I have to imagine there were fans that wanted to cross that imaginary barrier and go after Tim. I can’t wait to see more of this story. 

Archibald Peck vs Mark Angelosetti (w/Veronica) in a No Disqualification match. 

This starts with a FIGHT! Balls out, no DQ, but still within that Chikara world. Does Sugar call him “Marchibald Peck”?! Peck dives onto TD but Mark catches him, barely, on the floor. TD makes the fans move out of the way and slams Archie onto the chairs. TD has control until Archie goes under the ring and pulls out the Mixed Martial Archie gloves. I am shocked to see some of these moves in Chikara. Archie is so good. Why did the rest of the wrestling world sleep on him? His match psychology is crazy. Archie breaks out the Mysterious and Handsome Stranger mask! TD rips off the mask and then brings out the bag that Sapphire was in. He pulls out a Sapphire clone and threatens to repeat violence. An orderly brings out the original Sapphire! The pigeon is in a wheelchair with a neck brace but very much alive. TD takes Sapphire and puts her back into the bag. This is it for real for Sapphire. But Archie runs the pigeon clone into TD’s crotch! Archie and Sapphire are reunited! Go to Tweet! (I’m fucking losing it over that one.) TD kicks out! “That is the toughest pigeon I’ve ever seen in my life.” I want to show this match to everyone, but how? What a litmus test this would be. Archie brings out a drum kit. Veronica tosses the baton into the ring. Archie and TD dive for it. Veronica tries to distract Archie but Archie moves and TD spears Veronica. “8.5 on the Chris Brown scale.” Ouch. That one may have been too much for Chikara. Archie breaks the drum over TD’s head. Archie with a diving headbutt for the pin. It appears that Mark and Veronica are through as they both leave. 

This may be the opener for the season but it also is a closing for last season. I am all in for this year’s show and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

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