At Odds with Wrestling Homework: Chikara Battle Not with Monsters

This is the latest installment in the At Odds with Wrestling homework series. Each and every week without a major PPV event the hosts Joe and Adam alternate alternative wrestling watching assignments for each other. This week is the Chikara event from May 3, 2013 – Battle Not with Monsters – which you can also watch on IndependentWrestling.TV

My first thought is this is a very interesting venue. Lots of wrestling banners so there must be a history of shows here, but the set up feels like there’s empty space or something has been blocked off. Could just be how it comes across on camera. 

Jakob Hammermeier comes out first followed by Tim Donst, biker Veronica, and Steve the Turtle. Donst seems very happy to be in North Carolina. All of this is to mock Gavin Loudspeaker, who is not there. Hmmm. What could have happened? Donst sits on Steve’s back while Jakob holds the microphone. Donst plays a lovely tune on guitar called “I hate everything”. Donst will do all of the intros for a while tonight. 

Ophidian, Kobald, and the Batiri vs assailANT, Fire Ant, and Los Ice Creams. 

What did the Batiri dump into the trash? Sprinkles? Big fight to start. It goes to the outside or whatever is on the other side of the curtain. Kobald and one of the Ice Creams have a fun double mask spot then copy each other’s moves. How have I never heard of the stunner called the “Cold Stone”? There is an assisted abdominal stretch spot and the faces get the whole front row and then some in on the action. This was loads of fun to watch. assailAnt takes a beating until the house of Fire Ant hot tag. Great timing by the Ice Creams when one monkey flips by one leads to a splash by the other. Ice Creams argue with Fire Ant. The Batiri take advantage and pin assailANT. 

The fans clap for the Ants. Donst mocks the fans. 

Missile Assault Ant vs Saturyne. 

Donst with a raffle. Steve tries to kiss Veronica and chases her. Donst trips him and insults Steve’s appearance. Is it Donst vs Saturyne at tomorrow’s event? Maybe we’ll be watching that as a future homework assignment. Saturyne plays the matador as Missile Assault Ant charges. Missile chokes Saturyne with her own cape to gain the advantage. Fans chant “what’s your name?” Missile. Assault. Ant! Saturyne confuses Missile, hits a bulldog, then a quick roll up. Saturyne with a shocking quick win over a new talent. 

Colony Xtreme Force vs 3.0.

DeviANT is now the new leader of Xtreme Force. 3 on 2 attack. Gran Akuma saves 3.0 and this is now a six man match. Really good story here. This version of Xtreme Force works better than with Soldier Ant. DeviANT hits Akuma with the snowboard. The referee is too distracted. Will this be a kick out despite the foreign object? No, the ref finally comes over and Arctic pins Akuma. Good thing it wasn’t a Cora Jade skateboard. 

Amasis vs the Shard.

Or, as Donst calls him, “a smaller Jigsaw”. Shard is grossly underrated. Deserves to be in line for maybe a trios title somewhere. A fan and child are almost taken out when Shard throws Amasis out of the ring. This match is all Shard. Amasis flips over the top onto Shard in the crowd. There’s no guardrail and not much space in between the ring and the chairs. Amasis has moments but this match is still all Shard. A side slam onto the top turnbuckle and then a double stomp off the top to the back and still this only gets Shard a two count. Amasis shocks everyone with a quick cradle roll up for the pin. 

Suddenly, Gavin comes out! He is wrapped in tape from head to toe and struggling to walk. “It’s the Yeh-Tee!” Gavin rips off what tape he can so he can confront Donst. Whoa Gavin, be careful with those low rise pants. This is a family show. Tim shoves Gavin and leaves. Gavin will now announce the rest of the show. 

Jigsaw vs Archibald Peck. 

Standard but really good match. Just some good wrestling. The electric chair drop to the hardest part of the ring! That looked disgusting. Archie is taking some punishment. Big superkick but still kicks out. Archie with a leg flip roll up and hooks the tights for the win. Really good match. Kicks up hard at the end. And did Archie just cheat to win? 

Mr Touchdown vs Chiva Kid in a Young Lions Cup match.

Who? I’m guessing this is the local star. Chiva Kid hits a crazy flip over the top. Touchdown has to slow Chiva down. Chiva Kid leaps and catches Touchdown who is on the top turnbuckle and flips him over for the headscissors. Seamless move. Chiva hits a Shooting Star but only gets a two count. Touchdown responds with a tilt a whirl crusher for the pin. 

FIST vs the Spectral Envoy. 

“That’s your only fan, Ultra Mantis.” I got a kick out of that line. Sugar is on the outside, not wrestling this match. Mantis flexed at one point and it was terrifying. How can one man be so ripped? I’m getting nervous that someone in the crowd is going to get hurt. Am I getting “used” to Chikara? This match is good but I’m not taking a lot of notes for it. Great trios work, always someone there to break up the pin. Sugar goes to help Icarus. Gargano pushes him off. Frightmare pins Gargano with a roll up. Gargano threatens to quit FIST. Icarus talks him into giving Sugar one more chance. FIST celebrates. Johnny superkicks Sugar. Icarus spears Johnny. Is this the split? Johnny and Chuck leave together. Icarus leaves by himself. Sugar stumbles out. Stay tuned! 

Green Ant vs Eddie Kingston (Chikara champion). 

Green immediately attacks Eddie’s knees! Fire Ant helps to move the crowd out of the way. Green Ant dives, Eddie moves, and Green crashes his head into the ring apron. Eddie is in control. Eddie is getting punished by Wink (thus making Eddie the face) but he’s the heel in this match. Eddie sells the knee and hand continuously. Green Ant splashes onto Eddie’s knee. Eddie starts hitting big suplexes. The kid in the front row is so tired. Green Ant dropkicks Eddie from the turnbuckle to the floor. Eddie’s knees are shot. Eddie powerbombs Green Ant onto the floor. Green Ant locks on a good cloverleaf, stretching Eddie’s injured knee. Eddie with the backfist, and a suplex. Green Ant powers up. Second backfist. Eddie gets the pin. Real good showing by Green Ant. 

This was a fun show that moved the Chikara stories forward a lot. I have no idea what is coming next or when and I’m all in for what I feel is something big in the near future.

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