A series within a series. Each and every week without a major wrestling event, the hosts of the At Odds with Wrestling podcast assign each other classic wrestling related viewing. I attach myself to this every week for free, but you can hear Adam and Joe’s thoughts on the podcast’s Patreon page. Throughout 2023 Adam has been assigning wrestling related movies and for his next few picks we will be watching the Marine movies that star the Miz. Movies 3-6 in the series. I may have watched the first one with John Cena when it came out, and I’ve been meaning to watch I think the 6th one because Becky Lynch is also in it. Now fate and podcast fandom has tipped my hand to watch The Marine 3: Homefront.
This viewing was a little different. I was home, and tired, and there was no wrestling on TV. Nothing I wanted to watch on PPV or the streaming wrestling services. I watched an episode of the latest season of Letterkenny and then decided what better time to get through this movie. No notes taken, just laying down and seeing how many times I pause the movie and question my decision (twice).
While the Miz may star in this movie, he was not the first choice. Randy Orton was supposed to be in the second one but got hurt. Ted DiBiase Jr took his place, which is odd to think of him anywhere near movie level at this point. Bob Holly was rumored for the third, which sounds horrible. Orton was to come back for Homefront but then everyone remembered he was dishonorably discharged from the actual Marines and maybe that’s not a good idea.
The Miz is a Marine who gets a few weeks at home on leave. Judging by the beard, he’s been off the clock for awhile already. He heads to his small town and is picked up by his best friend who is now chief of police. His best friend who is played by Jared Keeso, creator and star of Letterkenny. See it all ties together. Miz and Chief head to Miz’s late parents home to have dinner with his sisters. It’s small town cook on the grill and drink beer outside. Miz starts questioning what his sisters are doing with their lives and Chief steers the conversation to them going out later. Younger sister is picked up by her new boyfriend who Miz disapproves of because I think he got caught with pot once or something. I’m not rewinding the movie. Everyone ends up at the local bar.
Meanwhile this extremist group led by Jonas Pope and the actor was on Arrow and maybe Legends of Tomorrow as well, goes into a bank to scare everyone. They rob the place then burn all of the money to make a point. The point is you’ve done nothing. That money isn’t “real”. The bank didn’t actually lose any money nor did any investors. They burned paper which is probably backed up by some sort of FDIC type group. Anyways, they head to their secret base which is coincidentally in the same town.
Back at the bar and the Miz has words with a local drunk. His training kicks in and he destroys this guy. Chief calms things down so Miz doesn’t go to jail. At this point I’m thinking that Miz’s story could be interesting. I have family that is in the military and there absolutely is a retraining or switch that needs to happen when returning to the civilian world. The Miz in a dramatic role in which his sisters need to teach him how to navigate that world again. But no, because the action is about to start and that’s it for character development.
Miz’s sister is out in a junkyard with her no good boyfriend. She’s talking about their future together and he’s trying to fix the jeep. Meanwhile, Pope and the eco-terrorists (I think I saw them open for the Gin Blossoms in the 90s) are buying some explosives and kill the dealer when he asks for more money. Miz’s sister sees this and screams, the terrorists chase them down. Well, not chase because the jeep isn’t working. She gets a phone call off first to the other sister. That sister calls Miz for help and sometime around her Miz realizes that sister and Chief are dating. It’s not important when it happens, and it’s pretty obvious to everyone but Miz from the start of the movie.
It’s never addressed but now when Miz is taking out bad guys and interacting with the FBI’s big investigation there are a lot of people in this small town and somehow the chief of police never noticed. I mean between both groups maybe 50 extra people. Plus vehicles, supplies, they’re going to need food and water. Way to pay attention.
Miz’s training kicks in but in a good way now and he grabs some supplies and firearms to go storm the shell of a ship where everyone is hiding out. However now is when he comes in to contact with some FBI agents. They take him aside and explain what’s going on. Miz wants his sister back, the lead FBI agent wants to take out the terrorists and they argue a bit. Chief takes Miz away but then gives him a gun and lets him do what he’s going to do anyways.
There’s also a ton that happens in a short time for this movie but none of it ends up mattering. I mean it matters for the plot but it’s mindless. I’m laying down watching this thinking oh okay that’s happening, next. The terrorists have a shoot out with the FBI and win. The FBI have a mole inside. It’s not who you think it is. Miz’s sister almost gets assaulted. The boyfriend finds some courage and fights back too. The movie will fully keep your attention but every twist and turn is ultimately disposable. None of the plot details changes what is ultimately happening which is Miz vs the boat full of terrorists.
Miz does a good job of stalking the ship and taking out bad guys. He gets bloody and bruised and hurt and he’s doing as well as any other direct to video action star. The terrorists have worse aim than Stormtroopers. Visually insulting bullet dodging. Miz kills a bunch of them. Pope escapes thanks to an elaborate ruse involving switching out a police vehicle. He has Miz’s sister with him. The boyfriend was rescued but then Miz leaves him on the ship and gives chase on a motorcycle.
The FBI has boxed in the escape vehicle and another ridiculous shoot out takes place. Miz’s sister tells him that there is a bomb in the back of the car. Miz has 90 seconds to drive it as far out of the center of town before it does hundreds of dollars in damage and injures ten of people. (Tens? No, ten.) Thankfully Miz finds a place where he can roll the car, then run and hide behind another car and a brick wall. I usually park my car alongside remnants of brick walls for just such an occasion.
Miz comes back and the whole family hugs. Then, that’s it. Alright, bad guys are dead and the town or any other damage they could have done is saved. That’s good. But does all of this prove Miz to be right? Hey I thought your boyfriend was a jerk until he acted like me. Hey, turns out my training did save the day, guess I was right to punch out that drunk. Yay for saving the day but if anything the lesson is that everyone else was wrong and only the Miz’s attitude which the start of the movie established as shitty, can save the day. Let’s see what if any development takes place over the next few movies.